to kill me by conspiring to leave me.” She huffed. “That was your mom that time. I don’t even know how that works, do you?”
“Nae.”
“Do you think Philip knows? Roderick? I mean, I doubt it, right? Probably your mom turned the vessels off.”
I kissed her forehead. “Probably.”
“Again, as usual we know so little. Every time we get smarter, they throw some other crazy shit at us. Are you going to say good bye to the kids?”
I stared off at the horizon, west, tryin’ tae imagine it. “Nae.” I shook my head. “I winna be able tae go if I do.”
I pulled her hand tae m’chest. “My will is in the safe in Riaghalbane. I haena added Isla tae it. I want her tae be provided for....”
“Well, you’ll just have to make sure you don’t die then. Don’t you do it. She is a tiny baby and she needs to grow up with her Da.” Tears rose in her eyes and she wiped them away. “I don’t want to talk about it — you’re coming home, you promised me you would, and it’s for sure happening again. I understand about you not wanting to say goodbye, we had a very big morning with them.”
“I got tae hold him, tis enough.”
She exhaled. “I suppose you have things to do?”
“I hae tae gather m’things. Ye ken, tae take m’mind off my worries. I wish I could watch a video on funny cats.”
She frowned. “I wish I had downloaded one to my phone.”
“Tis a thing? I could watch one here?”
“Yes.”
I said, “Then next time.”
“Will you take a vessel, just in case?”
“Nae, I daena want tae give Philip any of them. But we might hide one, here, in case we need it later, put one in the hole on the west wall of our room.”
She nodded.
“When ye leave, ye get tae the hidin’ place, and then ye figure out how tae contact Lady Mairead. Ye tell her ye need her tae come find me.”
“Of course. And maybe she already knows, maybe she got my message, maybe she’s on her way.”
“Aye, maybe...”
“If I promise to be very quiet, can I get Isla? I need to nurse her, but can I sit beside you while you get ready to go?”
I nodded.
Nineteen - Kaitlyn
I said to Hayley, Beaty, and Emma, “He has to go, he’s trading his life for Quentin and Sean and James and... He has to go.” I rearranged my tartan to put Isla in it, and adjusted the front of my shift so she could nurse hidden within the wrap. She was famished. I had been gone too long — again. Nursing felt so good after having been stressfully not nursing.
Emma asked, “Do you need me to come up with you? Need the support?”
“No, can you stay with Archie? He has to be kept safe, Magnus is stationing guards at the door. I don’t want him to get scared. I don’t want him to see Magnus leaving.”
“Okay.” She squeezed my hand.
I climbed the steps to the walls. Magnus had freshly washed his face, and then begun the work of preparing. He spoke to Fraoch. He loaded his gun. He ate some food. He and Zach went through Quentin’s gear and brought out a small box that had radio-signal trackers and a monitor. He put one of the trackers on the inside of his leather belt, he turned the dial, got a reading on the screen, and handed the monitor to me.
“This will tell ye where I am, as long as I am close enough tae ye.”
“If you aren’t in the same time zone, I won’t be able to find you at all.”
“Aye,” he nodded. “But ye are the one that needs tae stay put. Go tae Maine, set up a safe house. I will come home.”
I leaned forward, my head on his chest.
“I’m scared.”
“I need ye tae be strong.”
“Of course.”
“There are gale force winds comin’, a storm we canna see, mo reul-iuil. I am an arm around ye, a shelterin’ wing—”
“I like that...”
“Good, I am on yer windward side. I will take the winds. I am strong enough, I need ye tae shelter on the leeward side.”
I nodded my agreement, because speaking seemed like I would cry, and I needed to at least pretend to be strong enough for this.
He kissed me sweetly. I tried to concentrate on the lasting press of it, the taste, the scent, the overwhelming feeling, but I was going untethered, scared, sad. I hugged him, my arms wrapped around the