my family. I don’t want him finding out about my sexuality through the department grapevine or on the evening news. He should hear it directly from me. I owe him that.
My stomach knots at the thought of coming out to anyone at work, but especially to Jud. He’ll be the first person I’ve told outside of my extended family, and I have no idea how he’ll react. If I’m being honest, I’ll be devastated if he responds badly. He’s the closest thing I have to a father, and I don’t want to lose that connection.
I hate having my hand forced like this. It should have been my choice, on my timeline, but that’s not possible. No matter the risk to me, personally or professionally, I have to tell him.
So, I leave my office and walk down the hall to his. As usual, his door is ajar. I stand outside it for a moment as I muster the courage to knock. Figuring I might as well get it over with, I rap my knuckles on his door.
“Come in,” he bellows in his gruff voice.
I step inside and close the door behind me. “Do you have a minute, Jud?”
He leans back in his worn office chair and waves me forward. “Come on in, Tyler. Have a seat.”
I do as he says, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
He watches me expectantly. “What’s on your mind, son?”
In private, he calls me son. He has ever since my dad died, as if he knew I needed someone to try to fill that void in my life. He doesn’t show me favoritism at work, which I appreciate, but I’ve always known he’s here for me.
“There’s something I need to tell you,’ I say, tamping down my fears.
His dark eyes widen. “That sounds rather ominous.”
I guess he’ll have to be the judge of that. “I met someone recently.”
It takes him a minute to catch my meaning, but when he does, he grins. “Hell, that’s good news. It’s about time. I’d just about given up on you ever settling down.”
“We’re… together.”
He nods. “Good, good. I’m sure Ingrid is pleased. Do I know the lucky lady?”
My heart starts pounding, and I feel like the walls are closing in around me. There’s no going back now. “Well, yes and no.”
His smile fades as he picks up on my guarded tone. “Okay, I’m listening.”
In this moment, I feel like I’m leaning over the side of a cliff with one foot in the air. The slightest shift could topple me over, sending me crashing and burning.
Is it always going to be this hard?
There’s no point in delaying the inevitable, so I just lay it out there. “It’s Ian Alexander.”
His brow furrows as he processes the information. “Ian?” Then his dark eyes widen in shock. “The judge’s kid?”
“Yes.”
Jud practically reels back in his seat. “You and Ian? You mean, romantically?”
His careful choice of words makes me smile. “Yes, romantically.”
“Well, I’ll be damned,” he says as he crosses his arms over his big barrel of a chest.
“I wanted you to hear it from me before the information becomes public.”
He nods. “I appreciate that, Tyler. To be honest, if I’d heard it from someone else, I doubt I would have believed it. You’ve never struck me as… um… you know….”
“As gay? It’s not one-size-fits-all, you know.”
I take a deep breath because I’m not done yet. I have to tell him about the fight at Sapphires. I have to tell him I might be looking at battery charges. For me, the possibility that I might be facing criminal charges and even jail time is the most difficult admission of all. “There’s more.”
He nods. “Go on. I’m listening.”
* * *
When I arrive home from work that evening, I hang up my jacket and holster in the hall closet and go in search of Ian. I find him in the kitchen, bent over as he peeks inside the oven. Whatever he’s making smells amazing. “Please tell me that’s our dinner I smell.”
As he straightens and closes the oven door, he says, “Roasted chicken with rosemary.” He props his hands on his hips, looking pretty damn proud of himself. “Baked potatoes and hot rolls. Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes. You have just enough time to change.”
He’s dressed in ripped blue jeans and a pale-blue T-shirt, but it’s the apron he’s wearing that takes the cake. The words LICK MY BUNS are printed above a picture of a cinnamon roll.
I