What do you want to talk about?” I tried to be nonchalant, but something was bugging me. Something is always bugging me.
He didn’t answer, so I continued.
“Because I was considering asking you why you would risk your life to save mine.”
12
Chapter Twelve
Raphael seemed surprised. It was a simple question.
Why?
We stared at each other in my dark office for longer than I considered tolerable.
“If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have—”
“You’re the first person to give me a chance and help me move forward,” he answered swiftly. “You saved my life from Mygi, from Sinclair, and from a bounty I couldn’t do anything about. You’ve helped me start a new life and leave behind the…” He looked away from me. “When I saw him going for you, I figured it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t just let you die and save myself. Not after what you’ve done for me.”
“Oh.” I honestly hadn’t been expecting that. For some reason, I had been expecting something more selfish. Everyone was selfish. Everyone considered their own survival first. He’d just considered what he thought he owed me. He’d said it was the ‘right thing to do.’
“That’s it? Oh?” he scoffed, which turned into a sad chuckle. “Of course.”
“Now wait a min—”
“Not everyone is a terrible or selfish person, you know. Some of us just do good things and try to be good people.”
“I didn’t say—”
“But from your perspective and the things you’ve probably seen, I guess you would—”
“Stop fucking cutting me off,” I snapped. “I get it. I have a more cynical view of the world. There’s no reason to nail that point home every time you get the chance. Thank you, by the way, for the whole saving my life thing. I like being alive.” With an angry shake of my head, I walked out of the office, pissed off.
I couldn’t shake the feeling I was one of those terrible or selfish people he talked about. I never really considered myself a good person, but rather a survivor. I had to be. Good was subjective when it came to staying alive another day.
“Asshole,” I muttered as I went into the kitchen to make a fruit smoothie. If I was going to be awake, eating something was a decent idea.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, walking in behind me. He dared to grab the frozen fruit from my hands and put it on the counter for me. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“I know how I come off,” I said, refusing to look up. I grabbed my things and went to a different section of the counter. “Not all of us have the privilege of doing the right thing all the time. We’re not allowed. Sometimes, staying alive and meeting another sunrise means we have to do the wrong thing. Look, I haven’t killed Nakul, even after all the terrible things he’s done. I’m breaking the rules of my job. Why? Because he has information that could save lives. Not just mine, but yours, and who knows who else.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing, saving lives—”
“To who? The Tribunal certainly wouldn’t agree,” I hissed. “They could have my head for it. Certainly not to the men he left without families while he went on a grief- and insanity-induced murder spree for several decades. They would hate this. They would think I’m showing him favoritism because he’s my family and fuck, maybe I am.”
“Okay, I get it.” He lifted both hands and stepped back from me.
“Do you?” I asked softly, throwing strawberries into my blender. “Do you really? This is the supernatural world, and we don’t play by the rules, Raphael. Everything humans have thought to ban, we still allow as long as we can get away with it. Sure, there are Laws, and most of them are serious, but there’s a lot that people get away with. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you’ll be just as fucking cynical as me.”
“What are you trying to say?” He seemed genuinely confused.
I let out a huff, trying to find the best way to explain.
“Humans outlawed duels a long time ago, yeah? They think that conflict doesn’t need to end in bloodshed. After a few generations, everyone got used to that. Unless it’s a war or something, no one really duels. If they fight, it’s not socially acceptable. Are you following?”
“Definitely. It’s human nature to fight for something, but kids get suspended from school, people get arrested for assault. No longer acceptable to society