can’t you listen to both parts of your brain?” he asked softly. “You start to move on, but you also know if you need to stop to breathe and cry, you can. Dealing with something like this isn’t going to just miraculously happen, Memphis. Fuck, doll. You’re gonna have to deal with this for the rest of your life.”
The thought made me sad. I was going to have to carry around Jester for the rest of my life. “I don’t want Jester in my life, Six. I want him gone.”
“He is, but the memory of what he did is still there.” He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. “There are just going to be times where you’re gonna have to remind yourself of that. Don’t let him take space up in your mind where he doesn’t belong.”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “Oh, Lord, Six. I’m a downright mess. I don’t know why you’re even dealing with me. I swear you can leave me and I won’t think one bad thing about you.”
He had helped me so much and I wasn’t doing anything but going back and forth. Swear to God, I was being bi-polar. One second I was fine, and then the next, I wasn’t.
“Thanks, doll, but I like where I am right now.” He rubbed his hand gently up and down my back.
“Well, I like it too, but if you ever stop liking it, Six, please just leave. I couldn’t handle you staying because you feel you have to.”
God forbid he stayed because he felt sorry for me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened. My life was messed up, but that didn’t mean his had to be.
“You just let me worry about that, doll.”
“Just promise me, Six. Promise you’ll go if this is too much for you.”
He sighed heavily. “Okay.”
I didn’t believe him. He was too good.
Too good of a man for me.
I was broken and would never be the same. I don’t think he understood that. “I’m not old Memphis.” Maybe I needed to spell it out word for word for him. “I used to—”
He squeezed me tight. “Memphis,” he growled. “I didn’t know old Memphis. I only saw you from a distance at the club, and we never spoke a word to each other. The only Memphis I know is who you are right now. I don’t want the old one. I want the one who is laying in my arms. What you are now, what you’ll be tomorrow, and what you’ll be fifty years from now.”
“But I don’t know what that will be or look like, Six.” Why couldn’t he understand what I was trying to say?
“Fucking hell, Memphis. Do you think anyone knows what or who they are going to be tomorrow, next year, or fifty years from now? No one knows. Neither do you.”
I tipped my head back and looked down at him. “I just…”
“You just want me to understand that you’ve been through a lot, and that’s shaping you into who you are. I understand. I know each day is going to be a battle for you to get up and go. Somedays are going to be easier than others.” He brushed my hair from my face. “And I want you to know and understand, I want to be there on those days where you can’t get out of bed. Where you think you aren’t worth it. I wanna be there to tell you that you are worth it, and that it’s okay to not want to get out of bed. If you wanna be sad, Memphis, be sad. But just know, I’m there. Happy, sad, upset. I’m here.”
A sob escaped my lips. “How did I get so lucky, Six?”
“I’m the lucky one, Memphis.”
I laughed and wiped a tear from my eye. “How about we agree that we’re both lucky then?”
He reached up and brushed his finger over my lips. “That I can fully agree with.”
The feel of his finger on my lips was rough but gentle. “I wanna kiss you, Six-Gun. I want you.” I wanted all of him.
“Are you ready for that, Memphis? I’ll wait forever for you, doll. Hell, as long as you give me this, I’ll be more than happy.”
I laughed and pressed a kiss to his finger. “This is barely first base, Six,” I laughed.
“No need to round the bases right now, doll.”
“But,” I drawled. “Maybe we could see how far we could get?” I leaned down and whispered in his