worked for all of us for years. We consider you a part of the gang, a part of the family even.”
Something about what he said caused a sharp stab of guilt in my middle. “That’s very kind of you to say, but this is still my job.” And I definitely didn’t deserve his friendship, not after what I’d done.
“Is this about Leanne?” Callum questioned abruptly, and I tensed.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you used to have a thing for her, and I know I was kind of a dick about it at the time, but it’s all water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.”
“It’s not about that,” I said, shaking my head.
“But it is about something?” Callum countered, and I realised I’d just inadvertently dug myself a hole.
“It’s a personal matter. Nothing you need to be concerned about.”
At this, Callum threw his arm around my shoulders and led me over to sit on the bench a few yards away. “Did I not just say we were family? Come on, Neil. You can trust me. You work for me, but I also consider you one of my closest friends.”
My eyebrows shot up. “You do?”
Callum barked a laugh. “Bloody hell. Maybe I should be offended that you sound so surprised.”
“I just didn’t think you thought of me in that way.”
“Course I do! You’re one of the most trustworthy people I know. Why else would I let you run all my online accounts for me?”
Again, the guilt stabbed. Only this time, it hurt more. I wondered briefly if a person could die from the sheer weight of the guilt they carried. “Right, yes. Actually, about that. I’m not sure if I’m—”
“Ah, I know it’s a pain in the arse, but if it were left to me, none of it would ever get done. I’m shite at all that social media stuff. Don’t have the attention span for it at all.”
“It’s really not very complicated,” I said.
Callum grinned. “Call me lazy then. So, you’re really not going tell me what’s bothering you?”
I considered opening up to him. Not about the Annabelle stuff, but about the things that were frying my nerves in general. Mainly, there was the fact that I’d had a sex dream last night that had completely thrown me for a loop. Sure, my view of the woman in my dream had been hazy, but her hair was telling. There was only one blonde woman who also used to have blue hair in my life right now. The idea that I was having sex dreams about Afric left me more than a little discombobulated. She was too young for me, too out there, her personality too loud and boisterous. Basically, we were chalk and cheese. It would never work. Not that she’d ever be interested.
“What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sex?” I blurted, and Callum’s grin widened.
“Ah, so that’s why you’re tense. I get it,” he said, rubbing his chin. “Let me see. I’m not sure I’ve ever counted the months, but there were definitely some long stretches when Leanne and I were on the outs. Why? How long’s it been for you?”
I winced as I replied, “Over two years.”
Callum let out a low whistle. “Fuck, mate, that’s rough.”
“Yes … It’s been quite rough,” I agreed, though it wasn’t the end of the world. It wasn’t like a person could die from lack of sex.
“Just you and your hand for two whole years. Poor bastard,” Callum went on in commiseration.
I chuckled self-consciously. “Make me feel better about it, why don’t you.”
“Sorry, sorry, I just feel your pain, you know? Hey, how about I take you out tonight? It’s been a long while since I’ve been anyone’s wingman. I’ll ask Paul to come, too. He’s the last of the group who’s still single since Isaac’s been seeing a girl back in London.”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” I said. I was trying my best to be polite because, honestly, the thought of Callum Davidson being my wingman was too painful to think about. No woman would even bother to look at me with him by my side.
“I want to do it. You’re the backbone of our group,” Callum said. “We’d all be lost without you. It’s about time I did something for you for once.”
Yet, again, the blade of guilt slid deep. If Callum had a clue of what a piece of shit I really was, he wouldn’t be making this offer. He’d probably break my jaw if he