inside just as Rais reached her but she locked the doors before he could open it. She started the engine and drove off, unconcerned that he saw her tears, knew how hurt she was. She was beyond trying to hide from him now. He’d broken down every single defense she had, and even some she hadn’t been aware she’d built up and now she had nothing.
She sped away, uncaring about anything but putting space between herself and Rais. The woman in her dad’s office even looked like her! Her long, dark hair was styled similarly, but not exactly like hers and she was the same height and about the same weight. The other woman had larger breasts though. Was that what he wanted in a woman? She hated him so much, but she was disgusted with herself just as much for trusting him, for believing in the fairy tale, especially with a man like Rais.
She’d known better! She’d told herself over and over that he wasn’t the man for her. That he wasn’t the man for any woman who wanted a monogamous relationship. He didn’t have it in him, she thought.
Why had she even started dreaming about a future with him? That just made everything hurt even more. She’d believed him when he said those sweet, delicious words. She’d stupidly translated those into words of love and commitment.
Well, now she knew better. It was a hard lesson to learn but at least she’d figured it out.
She drove down the highway, surprised at how many people were traveling on Interstate 66 at this time of the night. She glanced at the clock on her dashboard and was surprised to find that it was only seven-thirty in the evening. Somehow, with everything that had happened, she thought it was later. So much had happened in the last thirty minutes. She’d only arrived at Rais’ farm at seven o’clock after getting off of work at five o’clock. On the drive out, traffic had been heavy but she hadn’t cared, too excited at the prospect of seeing Rais, maybe having dinner with him and…yes, she had wanted to spend the night with him. She hadn’t even cared that her father would have known about it. She wasn’t sure she could stand the questions if he found out about this huge mess.
The tears were so heavy with that thought, she could barely see so she pulled off of the highway, not wanting to hurt anyone because she couldn’t drive properly. She pulled into a coffee shop and parked, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down. She just needed a cup of tea, she told herself.
She looked in her rearview mirror, dabbed some powder onto her red cheeks, added a touch of lipstick, then felt at least presentable.
Inside, she ordered her tea and ignored the odd looks from the woman behind the counter. She took her cardboard cup and found an empty chair in the corner, wanting to just curl up and hide. But she’d been doing that for years. Ever since she was eighteen years old and knew that her feelings for Rais were deeper than just friendship, she’d hidden from him. Deep down, she guessed she knew this kind of thing might happen. Sure enough, as soon as Rais discovered her, he came after her with all of that charm and confidence, that maleness that just lured women towards him.
The tea was too hot to drink but it felt warm in her hands and helped the numbness that was slowly taking over. She supposed that was the body’s way of avoiding the crippling pain. If she couldn’t feel anything, she wouldn’t hurt so badly.
The tears were falling, but since she wasn’t driving, she wasn’t trying to focus so she wasn’t aware of the tears. They fell on her hand and her cup, onto her sweater and melted into the fabric to disappear. Every time she thought of Rais, her mind jumped back to him in that other woman’s arms. When he’d pulled back from her kiss, there had been her red lipstick on his mouth and he’d looked horrible. She wanted to hate him, but it hurt too much to think about him right now. Just sip the tea, she told herself. Don’t think about Rais, or the other woman. Don’t think about the future or the past, or anything. Just take each moment separately.
With a sob, she realized that she couldn’t even lose herself in work right now because her only