Shattered Rose (Winsor Series) - By T L Gray Page 0,93

was trying to make light of it, but deep down I was nervous.

“When is the last time you did it?”

“Finals week, and before that it was the night we walked along the river,” I answered honestly. “I’ve gotten to the point where it’s not a daily struggle anymore, but I seem to get just shy of that one month point, and then something triggers it. It’s like this elusive goal I can’t seem to reach.”

“You’ll reach it. I know that without question,” he said confidently. “And what about your friend. Is she still there for you to talk to?”

My heart tugged a little as I thought of the estranged relationship between Cara and me. “No, our friendship wasn’t able to handle her knowing,” I answered with regret. “It wasn’t her fault…it was all me.”

He seemed to hold me tighter, and I wondered if he was questioning like I was, if ours too, would fail this test. I suddenly felt nervous and wanted reassurance that we were still close, that he still wanted me like he used to. I rolled over and started kissing him, moving my body to where it was completely on top of his. He responded as I’d hoped and kissed me back with all the passion and desire he once had. I felt desperate to be closer to him, like I wanted his body to completely envelope me into it. I straddled his waist and started kissing his neck and his ear. I could feel him respond and the more passionately he kissed me, the bolder I became.

He sat up and pulled me close to him to where our torsos where right up next to each other. I had never wanted him so badly and pulled his shirt off with such force that my body was shaking. He grabbed the back of my head and brought our lips together with such intensity that every one of my senses were awakened.

But like always, he slowly put the breaks on and left me panting, wanting so much more.

“Don’t you want me?” I asked breathless, staring at him.

“Of course I want you, Avery. You have no idea how badly, but we’re not ready for this,” he said looking as flushed as I was.

I got off his lap and turned away. I could hear him put back on his shirt and come sit next me as I faced the fire.

“Avery, if we do this now. It will confuse everything,” he said trying to explain.

“What if it doesn’t? What if it makes it better?” I asked, trying not to sound as desperate as I felt.

“It won’t.”

“You don’t know that, Parker.”

“Yes, I do,” he stated softly. “Avery, we aren’t there yet. I know you don’t fully understand my faith yet, but I pray one day you will. I believe that sex is meant for marriage, when two people are promised for a lifetime. If we cross that boundary now, we can’t go back, and it will give us a sense of closeness to each other that we are not emotionally ready for.”

I put my head in my hands, not wanting to hear what he was saying. How was it possible that I was trying to convince a twenty-one year old man to have sex with me? It seemed laughable.

“Avery, part of what’s so special in our relationship is the journey, and I don’t want to take any step for granted.” He moved a piece of hair off my face and looked pleadingly at me, trying to get me to understand.

“So you’ve never been tempted?”

“Tempted? Yes, Avery, all the time, especially since I met you,” he answered honestly. “But I’ve never acted on it, and I try my best not to put myself in compromising situations.” I turned my head away, ashamed I couldn’t give the same answer. He was quiet for a long time and then asked, “Have you?”

I didn’t say a word, just stared at him with all the shame and hurt consuming me and looked back down at my knees.

He let out a long sigh and laid back on the floor with his hands over his head. “Jake,” he said flatly, his contempt apparent. “Is there anything that guy didn’t take from you?” He wasn’t really talking to me anymore—just seemed to be asking the air.

I felt the tears start to come and wanted to crawl in the deepest hole I could find. He was too good for me, and he deserved better. I knew it, and it was only a