Shattered Rose (Winsor Series) - By T L Gray Page 0,92

and pressure hit me like a ton bricks.

“That night in the quad wasn’t just about Jake or my school, but it was also about this. I was in a shame spiral and had just spent weeks indulging in it every day…for hours at a time. I got to the point where I couldn’t even look in the mirror without crying, because I hated what I saw so fiercely.”

I took his hand, and stared up at him, wanting to convey all the emotion I was feeling towards him. “And then I met you, and somehow it got better. Somehow, I started to believe how you saw me more than how I saw me. I still mess up, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like there’s hope for healing, and I know you’re a part of that. You always say no secrets, so I’m telling you this, because I wanted you to know I trust you.”

My heart was still beating so hard that it was almost hurting my chest, and I kept my eyes away from him as he processed all the information I had just thrown on him. This was always the moment I dreaded, the one that had previously kept me from sharing my secret. The moment when they would look at me for the first time and despite how hard they tried not to…they would see me differently. I tried to mentally prepare myself for it, for the loss of adoration that always seemed to be there when Parker looked at me.

I felt his hand on my chin as he brought me up to face him. My eyes were glassy and I knew I was hanging on by a thread. He lovingly caressed my face and then declared, “I love you, Avery. And not despite this or because of this; I love you because you’re you. That will never change.”

I felt myself exhale as I lost all composure and cried in his arms. I believed him, and I wanted so bad to say it back, but I never found the words. Instead I held him close, hoping in some way he knew how precious he was to me.

When I had calmed and wiped my eyes, Parker took my hand and squeezed it. “Avery, I know I’ve failed when it comes to talking with you about what I believe, but I think now more than ever, I need to explain why Christ is so important to me. You see, He is the one who has shown me how to love because He loves us even though we constantly mess up. It’s important you understand this, Avery, because I know that I can only offer you a small glimpse into the unconditional love that Christ has for you.”

I watched Parker’s eyes light up with passion and intensity. I knew he fully believed what he was telling me. I wanted to believe it too, but it felt too easy. If there was a God, he certainly wouldn’t find me worthy of his love. I didn’t want to talk about it any more so I just smiled at Parker and said, “Thank you.” As usual, he sensed the conversation was over.

We made our way back down the mountain and enjoyed the sunset together out on the deck. Parker told me all his stories from Christmas, and I spent most of the time laughing so hard my side hurt. His brother and family were in the States for the holiday and their three-year-old son was quite the showboat, always looking for new ways to get everyone’s attention. It sounded like an amazing time, and I couldn’t help but hope one day I would get to meet them.

Parker grilled us a wonderful meal and it honestly felt like I had stepped into a perfect world I never wanted to leave. He didn’t even watch me while I ate, which I was sure would happen once he knew my secret. In fact, the knowledge of it didn’t seem to change us at all. It almost made me wonder why I had kept it hidden for so long.

We started a fire and then stretched out on pillows and blankets that Parker put on the floor for us. The fire was crackling, and I could hear Parker breathing as my head rested quietly on his chest.

“Can I ask you a question about it?” Parker asked hesitantly after a few minutes of silence.

“I guess that’s fair after dropping it on you like that.” I