could not kiss and just rested her head to the side of his. And was it the words he uttered or the throb of him that made her feel giddy? A heat spread out from a deep centre and coherence was abandoned, just a strangled laugh to dismiss his apology as his hands pushed her hips harder down, for her own orgasm rushed in to meet his. It was so intense and so deep that it shot to her spine, to her throat and seized at her brain, halting words, for which she was thankful, because she almost told him she loved him. And in that moment, she was sure, he would have loved her right back, a declaration might have been made, without Nico knowing all the facts.
She felt like a liar as he helped her out of the pool. Her legs were shaky once on firmer ground, and she could not look at him so bent to get her clothes instead.
‘Leave it.’
‘I am not leaving this for Despina!’ Because she knew he was not talking about leaving it to the morning, but to see Nico pick up, when he never did, to see Nico look up as she watched and smiled, she felt like crying, because he wasn’t almost perfect—he simply was.
‘Constantine?’ She heard the question in his voice as they headed back to the house, but she could not answer him. Instead, automatically, she headed to her bedroom to check on Leo and gave a small embarrassed laugh as he walked up behind her and she realised what she was doing.
‘Sheer habit,’ Connie said, but her laugh faded a little, because it did feel strange to be without Leo, strange to go to Nico’s bed and know her baby was not in the house.
‘You miss him?’ Nico asked as she lay in the dark next to him.
‘Yes,’ Connie admitted. ‘I mean, I’ve had the most wonderful night. It just feels a bit strange, not having him near.’ There was the longest pause and then Nico asked a question.
‘How could she?’ Nico asked. ‘How could she just give up her baby?’
‘I’m sure she had her reasons.’ Connie could feel her heart hammering in her chest. ‘I don’t think you should judge her without …’ Unseen, she closed her eyes at the thought of all that was to come, of the pain she must soon inflict, and her voice wasn’t quite as assured when next it came. ‘Without knowing.’
She would tell him in the morning, before Despina brought Leo back. She would give him the starting point from where to look, and maybe he wouldn’t blame her, Connie tried to reassure herself. Maybe he might forgive her for not telling him sooner.
But even safe in his arms, it was hard to rest on a bed of so many maybes.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HE FORCED his eyes open before he jumped, his heart racing, unlike the slow dawn.
How he hated to dream, hated the fear that claimed him while unguarded. His dreams were now of babies, who were walking and talking, dreams of a hundred babies that looked like him.
He should let her sleep, Nico told himself. It was, after all, her first full night away from Leo, her first chance to sleep as long as her body dictated, though his body dictated otherwise. Nico did not like sex in the morning—it was too intimate for him, brought the reckless night into another day, made her think this closeness might continue.
This would.
Again he let himself glimpse the possibility—a future with Constantine as his wife and Leo his son, with a home and a garden of memories. His hands roamed her body and he could feel her soft and warm. What had made him think he might lose them? What, with her here, could possibly go wrong?
She lay there, feeling him awaken beside her.
Felt his hands softly probe her and she could not lie for her family, could not live with deceit for a second longer.
He was nudging behind her, his lips on the back of her neck, and she wanted him inside her, but she wanted to make love with the truth uniting them, not the terrible guilt of the lie she hadn’t told.
‘Nico …’ She wriggled away from him. ‘Can I tell you something?’
‘Tell me here,’ Nico said, pulling her towards him, but she rolled on her back.
‘Nico, please … it’s important.’
It was important.
He wanted to hear that Leo was his son; he wanted to know that she loved him.
Wanted to be