voice as she speaks guts me. “He raped my mum. I’m a result of that rape and the glue that forced her to stay with him. When she wanted to take me and leave, he tried to suffocate us by gas. Mum saved me in the last minute, but... she never made it.”
No wonder she has those panic attacks. No wonder she completely freaked out when seeing me kill. I stand tall, my shoulders slumping. I want to hug her, but the meaning in her words isn’t lost on me.
“You think I’ll end up killing you like your father killed your mother.” I’m not asking, I’m stating a fact. This explains why she’s always calling me a monster. She thinks I’m like her father.
In that case, no matter what I do, she’ll never accept me. Even if she does, her initial thoughts about me will always remain at the back of her head.
I turn to leave.
I need to give her and myself time. It wasn’t a joke earlier, I’m never leaving her. However, I need to think of a way to not look like the obsessed creep I am when I paste myself to her life.
Soft arms wrap around my waist from behind. A wet face glues to my back and Zoe whispers against my skin. “I know you’ll never hurt me and it’s confusing. You are the spitting image of Dad in character and looks and… everything. If I know you won’t hurt me, then why am I so sure that Dad did?”
She shudders, her voice dropping an octave. “What if something went wrong with my memories?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
A monster. Your father is a monster.
Run, Zoe. Run!
I startle awake with sweat beading down my temples. I push my hair back with shaky hands. When I had that nightmare during the night, strong hands surrounded me and whispered soothing words in my ear. I was able to go back to peaceful sleep.
Now, only unmade sheets and his scent remain, but there’s no trace of Shadow.
Disappointment gnaws at my gut.
Maybe he left. After last night, I shouldn’t blame him. After all, isn’t that the reason why I told him all that? He now knows why I’m so against his killer lifestyle and how it relates to my past.
Yet instead of pushing him away, I hugged him and let him spoon me in his embrace as I fell asleep.
It’s crazy how my entire being moulds into him with a single touch. No. It’s scary. Shadow is bad for me and my sanity. What scares me the most is that the more I know about his past, the harder it is to stay away from him. I can’t refuse him or pretend I have no feelings for him.
At this rate, I’ll always cave in and soon enough, I’ll find myself on the same path as Mum.
Shadow didn’t rape me. I remind myself. Shadow doesn’t go on hysterical fights with me.
Even those excuses aren’t enough to quench my concern especially with the baby growing inside me.
I place a hand over my bare stomach. It’ll start showing soon, and I have hard decisions to make. The most important of all is whether or not I should let Shadow know about the child.
Even if I don’t believe Shadow to be a complete monster, nothing will erase the fact that he’s a killer. How can I let my child grow up in that environment?
I pick up my phone and dial Elle. She answers after a few rings.
“Zoe? What’s wrong?” Her voice is sleepy but alarmed.
Darn. It’s about five in the morning. “Sorry for waking you up. I’ll call later.”
“No, don’t hang up!” she whispers. There’s some rustle, a door being opened then closed. Her voice goes back to normal. “What is it, Zoe? Is everything all right?”
“Yeah. It’s all good.” I feel like the shittiest friend for worrying her.
“Thank God. I thought something happened.” She suppresses a yawn, the alarm seems to wither away. “So what’s up? When are you returning to London?”
“Soon.” I don’t specify when that soon will be.
“Liam didn’t seem so pleased the last time we talked. Although I think it’s about me more than you.”
“Give him time. He’ll get used to it.”
“Ha. Nice one. Liam will totally get used to me having a relationship with an underground boss — who also happens to be at the top of his shit list. I can almost imagine Liam inviting Julian for Christmas and bonding over beer and football games.”
I chuckle despite myself. “Bonding over a boxing