something other than drinking. It’s his turn to take charge of today’s Tryouts lesson, which doesn’t really fill me with much confidence, even with Healer Julie at his side. But ever since Sage went foraging in the forest with him over a month ago, she seems less eager to rip him to pieces, and that makes things a helluva lot easier. Mainly because it means less detentions for the both of us.
Why Sage stopped despising Gale all of a sudden? I have no idea. For the first two weeks after our detention, Sage refused to talk about what happened in the forest that day. All I know is that she hates him less and Gale doesn’t take a swig from his flask at every given opportunity. It’s been a few months now, and their budding relationship hasn’t escaped my notice. I mean, I’m happy she doesn’t want to punch his lights out every time she sees him, but it’s still unlike her to forgive so easily.
Similar to how it’s unlike me to trust every therapist that waltzes into my life.
Then again, Gage Michaels didn’t just waltz in.
He threw me over his shoulder, kicking and screaming, and coaxed me with delicious tea and biscuits. Asshole. He’s also become a frequent presence in my life, one that I rely on now even if our sessions feel extremely awkward at times. They’re only awkward because I like being in his company, but I feel ashamed whenever I go back to my room. I’m not used to letting people ‘in’.
So far, Gage has managed to squeeze three terrifyingly important things out of me, things I would really rather he didn’t know. The first one is that I did indeed kill an entire village when I was eight. I guess this isn’t so surprising since I was all over the news then. Child survives fire that incinerates village. Orphan wanders ash-covered fields for three days before being rescued. But he actually got me to admit those things. Yeah, I did it. No, I didn’t mean to do it. I should’ve felt like a weight had been lifted after saying those words but it did the complete opposite. I practically cried myself to sleep that night. And here I thought I was ‘coping’ with my past. Pfff. Now I’m not even sure I know what that word means.
The second thing is that I don’t get close to people. Like, ever. Sage is simply an exception. I say it’s because I’m not a people person, but it’s actually because I’m terrified of hurting them. What if I lose control of my powers again? What if I blow up this entire academy and kill all these innocent people? Gage assured me I wouldn’t, but I felt nothing but awkward as I tried to explain what I was trying to say.
I’m a murderer. A monster. I should be locked up.
You’d think I would’ve put the shovel down right there and stopped digging my grave, but every time I sit on Gage’s sofa and stare into his beautiful, honey-brown eyes, the more at ease I feel and the more words come spewing out from my mouth.
The most recent thing I told him was last week. I confessed that I’m afraid to take control of my dark magic. I’m afraid it’ll change me again, in an irrevocable way that will alter my perception of the world, something I’m not sure I can cope with right now. I suppose when you spend so many years trapped in darkness, the light feels like the more terrifying option.
Apparently, that’s why I’m at this school. In four years’ time, I’ll think differently, he said, and I won’t be alone. That’s something Gage tells me a lot. I’m not alone. I have people around me who care. I’m loved and valued in this world.
Again, I’m not used to any of this. Sage, Pitch, and Ambrose have been the only people in my life, and I’m not even sure one of them is real. Oh, now there’s Zander and Echo, too, who I don’t mind as a distraction. I actually hang out with Zander every Friday night and the distraction has been fun. Echo has been trying to fly off Zander’s furniture but he keeps failing miserably. It’s so stinking cute.
“Is anyone home?” Sage asks, waving in front of my face.
I blink at her. “Sorry, I spaced out. What’s the deets?”
She points to where the other students have gathered outside the forest. “Another trial. Jonah is taking