In the Shadow of the Crown - By Jean Plaidy Page 0,87

very gentle about her. I wondered if she ever considered the perilous nature of her position. Did she ever give a thought to what had happened to Anne Boleyn, so passionately loved at one time and, not so long after their marriage, sent to the block? If she did think of her, she gave no sign of it. She did give a good deal of thought to the comfort of others; she was far from clever; indeed, she was something of a simpleton, but she was able to understand how I was feeling, and she did everything possible to put me at my ease.

Now that I had begun to live a double life, as it were, hiding my true motives under a cloak of deceit, I felt a little ashamed in the company of Jane, who was so straightforward and guileless. But sometimes I asked myself whether she, too, was playing her own little game? How did it feel to be the third wife of a man who had destroyed the two who had gone before? Was Jane assuming the role of docile, loving wife? One might say: Why had she married? Poor girl, what chance had one of her temperament against two ambitious brothers and a monarch who desired her?

However, she did help me over those first difficult days at Court.

My father was tender with her, liking her submissiveness. What a contrast to Anne Boleyn! But I fancied there were times when I saw a little impatience creeping through, and I found myself guessing how long it would take him to tire of her.

I remember one occasion particularly. Jane was so eager to make our reconciliation complete and did everything to smooth things between us, and one day she remarked how pleased he must be to have me at Court: his own daughter, who was so beloved by the people and so important in their eyes.

He looked at her with faint contempt and said, “You are a fool, Jane. You should be thinking of the sons you will have… and not seeking to bring forward others.” He touched her stomach and went on with a touch of coarseness, “That is where your hopes should lie.”

Poor Jane looked abashed. Was she really beginning to suffer from that anxiety which had plagued the lives of both my mother and Anne Boleyn? Was it six months she had been married and no sign of pregnancy yet?

There were times when I gave myself up to the pleasures of being at Court. Jane saw that I had new gowns. I chose bright colors. I felt I needed to because, although I was not ill-favored, I was not startling in any way. My once fresh-colored complexion had grown pale—probably from the privation I had suffered. My features were regular. I suppose I should have been considered quite ordinary outside royal circles; but at least I was the King's daughter, and that set me apart—particularly as he had recognized me as such.

I encountered a certain amount of adulation and secret congratulations, for most knew that I had come through some hazardous times and still managed to survive.

I was twenty-one, so perhaps a little frivolity could be forgiven me. I danced—as I loved to—and I joined in the festivities with a gusto due to long abstinence. I was, in fact, delighted to be back at Court.

Jane noticed this, and it pleased her. “We shall see that it is just as it used to be long ago,” she told me. “I believe you were then the darling of the Court.”

“That was when I was a little girl … and all was well between my parents.”

Jane nodded and changed the subject. I noticed that she avoided any talk which might be controversial; so perhaps she was not quite so simple after all.

Secure in her friendship, I began to talk more freely.

I told her about my dear Lady Salisbury and how, since she had left me all those years ago, I had not seen her. I wished to hear of her and longed to see her.

Jane understood. “She is well, I think,” she said. “But she does not come to Court.”

“No. I suppose her friendship with me over all those years has debarred her.”

“The King is displeased with her son, Reginald Pole.”

“Yes, I know,” I said. “Do you think that, now all is well between us, my father might allow me to see the Countess?”

She said she would see what could be done.

Poor Jane. Her endeavors brought down the wrath