guy sitting next to Kate chuckled, which I thought was rude, and Kate just shrugged. I started walking toward the counter, cutting through the line of people and walking behind the pastry case and into the espresso bar area.
“Hey!” Kate called from behind me. “You’re not allowed back there.”
I didn’t care. I kept walking anyway. I walked right into the tiny little storage room that was where they kept all the packages of coffee and the trays of pastries and even looked like it might be where there was some sort of makeshift manager’s office. Toward the back of the galley-style room were large barrels filled with coffee beans. I could see Brooke’s head poking out from between them.
“I can see you,” I said as I went to stand in front of her.
Brooke stood up, looking flustered and embarrassed. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Why did you send me that text?” I asked, instead of answering her question first.
We both stood there in uncomfortable silence, with neither one of us really able to explain why we did what we did. Brooke’s face was bright red, and I wasn’t sure if her flushed cheeks were caused by how hot this storage room was or by how angry she still was with me. I didn’t know how to answer her question because I wasn’t really sure what I was doing here. I just knew that I wanted to talk to her and was kind of hoping that I would be able to figure out what I wanted to say once I saw her. But that whole idea wasn’t working because instead, I found myself standing here and staring at her without speaking a single word. After a few long and awkward moments, I turned around and left.
I didn’t even look back to see if she was stunned or angry or glad that I had walked away. I didn’t turn around to see Kate and her chuckling boyfriend and what their reaction would be. Maybe there was a manager behind me getting ready to trespass me for going behind his counter. I couldn’t tell about any of it because I didn’t turn around. If I turned around, I didn’t know what I would do or say because I couldn’t get a handle on what I was feeling. Maybe it had been a bad idea for me to come at all. Not only had I ignored the entire issue with Brooke before leaving for Spokane, but now I had just walked out on her in front of her friends. This would be the part where Max would tell me what a jerk I was being.
I didn’t need Max to tell me that this time, though, because when I got into my car and then drove past the café again to get back to the intersecting street, I saw Brooke sitting back at the table with Kate and Kate’s boyfriend. This time, she was on the opposite side of the table, facing the window and had her head down as Kate was rubbing her back. Of course, the light turned red, and I had to stop right in front of the coffee shop. Thankfully, none of them thought to look outside. But when the light finally did turn green, I gave one last look into the café and saw Brooke’s head raise up, and her red and teary eyes stared out the window.
I was pretty sure that the problem was that I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings for Brooke. I was much older than her, with an extremely hectic career, and a long history of being a bachelor without really knowing how to manage a steady relationship with a woman.
I drove all the way out to my house in the mountains tonight and sat by the bonfire to watch the flames and soak in the peacefulness of the landscape. Max came over to hang out for a while, too, and I tried to explain the debacle that I had created at the coffee shop earlier in the evening. He gave me a pained look as if he were feeling my second-hand disappointment and embarrassment right alongside me.
“I’m going to pose an idea,” he said. “Maybe the reason that this is all so hard for you is that you’re in love with Brooke.”
I could feel my face contort into a defensive and dismissive expression. “Max, you’ve known me longer than anyone. Have you ever seen me be in love with a woman