Saving Grapes - Madeline Kirby Page 0,36
the vineyard, but he wanted to stay close in case Ben needed him.
Ben paused in the doorway, looking at the man sitting on the sofa with his elbows on his knees, head bowed.
“Um… hello?”
The man looked up, then rose to his feet when he saw Ben. The two men just stood, looking at each other for a moment. And then Ben smiled – he couldn’t help it. His father (so strange to think that) looked as nervous as he felt.
“Thom said this was for you,” Ben said, crossing the room to place the water on the table in front of the sofa.
“Thank you. I’m... I’m Jonathan Heywood.” He held his hand out for Ben to shake.
“Benjamin Loomis. But I guess you know that. I go by Ben, though. I don’t know what I should call you, though.”
“Jon? I guess?”
“Okay.” Ben sat in the armchair across the coffee table from Jon’s seat on the sofa. Jon sat back down and took a sip of water before speaking.
“I was surprised when Chuck called me.”
“I wasn’t sure if I should ask him to, but he and Thom both thought it was a good idea. I don’t know how much Uncle Chuck told you about why he called, or why I’m here.”
“I know you felt you had to leave your mother’s house, and why. I work with our campus LGBT Resource Group, and I know kids who’ve left home, or been made to leave. I would hate to think that you grew up in a home where you didn’t feel safe, or you couldn’t be yourself.”
“When I was a kid it didn’t matter so much. I knew there were these people Mom didn’t like, but I didn’t understand why and I was just a kid, so she didn’t talk to me about it and I didn’t pay attention. When I got a little older I started understanding what she meant by words like ‘homo’ and ‘fag’. I knew pretty early on that I had feelings she would think were wrong, so I just didn’t say anything to her. She always used to say she was thankful I wasn’t one of those wild boys running around with loose girls.” Ben chuckled, “Poor Mom. The truth is I was just as wild as those guys, I was just fooling around with other guys in the woods behind the gym. I think as long as I was still at home, she had enough on her plate raising me to keep her busy. It was after I went away to college that she got involved in a local church to keep her busy. It was one of those fundamentalist, fire and brimstone places. I didn’t go home much during college – I would take classes over the summer, go visit friends, anything I could come up with that kept me from going home.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ben shrugged, “It is what it is, right? I don’t think going home would have stopped her from becoming a homophobic bigot.”
“I think she was far down that road already, I just wish I had realized it sooner.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Jon got up to pace back and forth in front of the sofa, “well, that was the reason I left. Well, not left. The reason she kicked me out.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Before I met your mother, I had had other girlfriends, of course. But I had also had a couple of boyfriends as well.”
“Oh,” Ben sat back and looked up at his father in surprise, “so you’re… what? Bisexual?”
“Yes. But maybe pansexual would be more accurate. I never worried about a person’s sex or gender. If I felt an emotional connection with someone, the package they came in just didn’t matter to me.”
“So… I hate to ask, but… did you cheat on Mom? Is that why she kicked you out?”
“No!” Jon sat back down, leaning forward and meeting Ben’s eyes. “I swear to you, I never cheated on your mother. When I was with her, I was with her one-hundred percent. I loved your mother, but in the end it wasn’t enough to convince her.”
“How do you mean?”
“When we met, we never talked about people we had dated in the past. Not in detail, anyway. Of course we had both had relationships before, but I didn’t want to know who she had been with, and she didn’t want to know about me. But she met one of my former lovers by accident. One of my male lovers. I don’t know how or