smile touches the corner of my lips as I glance from my mother to Ky. Where would they have gotten me a gift? It feels heavy and unbalanced in my palm. The three of us walk over to the fire and sit down close together. Asher stands a few feet away, watching for me to reveal the item.
I push aside the soft cloth that barely conceals the gift. Beneath the black material lies Ky’s nine-millimeter handgun. It’s identical to the newer weapon he carries on his hip at all times. My eyes bulge at the sight of the scratched and worn gun. I hold in my hand something Ky loves as much as he loves my mother. I feel like he just gave me a piece of his soul for my birthday.
I wrap my fingers around the grip of the gun, turning it from side to side as if it’s the first time I’ve ever really seen it. My index finger is straight against the barrel like Ky taught me.
Everyone’s looking at me. It is my birthday, so I guess that’s normal, but I’m not sure what to say. I love the gift. It means so much to Ky that it automatically means even more to me. My mother loves that Ky and I are close, and I know this will only bring us closer, but it also feels morbid, like they know I’ll need this gift at some point in my life.
“You like it?” my mom asks, tilting her head to look me in the eyes.
Ky kneels at her side, concern etching his face.
“It’s amazing. I can’t believe you’re willing to part with this,” I say to Ky with a shy smile.
My mother looks at Ky with so much adoration I have to glance away. Watching them feels almost intrusive now when it never did in the past.
“Have you ever killed anyone, Ky?” I ask, swallowing a lump in my throat.
Ky nods, turning toward the fire to stoke the flames with a dry stick.
My question kills their intimacy immediately. It wasn’t my intention. I just had never thought about it before. I’ve shot this gun plenty of times with Ky and my mother, but it never felt like it was practice until this moment. Do they think I’ll need to defend myself?
“It’s hard pulling the trigger at first. It feels like your body is working against your conscious. An emotional part of you at war with a physical instinct.” His voice is even as he speaks, devoid of any emotion. “It’s surprising how easy it becomes when your life depends on it.”
My mother looks hard at him like she could pull the pain out of him with just the love in her eyes. Time pauses for them as Ky reflects on his past.
Asher sits across from me. The flames dance against his somber features. He opens his mouth to speak and then quickly closes it. He rolls his shoulders and then finally speaks. “When I lost my brother,” Asher whispers, his chest heaving for a breath he doesn’t fully find, “it hurt. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, actually. Like my heart was ripped from my chest and pushed back down my throat. Still there, still functioning, still beating, but never quite the same.”
Everyone is quiet. Even nature has fallen away from us. All I hear is his melancholy, haunted voice.
“It’s true. You don’t realize what you’re capable of until someone tests you. You come to realize you don’t know yourself at all. You might really be the monster everyone claims you to be.” His focus is on the flames, his eyes never meeting mine. “There was a warrant out for a pike that lived just west of here. A malicious man at a compound I’d never heard of sent armed guards out to bring him a new pet.”
My mouth falls open slightly in understanding, but my mind refuses to connect his story, needing to hear it in his own words.
“They shot my brother by mistake with a pike paralysis so strong it killed him. They hid his body to conceal their error. I specifically remember thinking how strange his lifeless eyes looked staring up at me, so different from my own. He was no longer the boy I had grown up with nor the brother I would grow old with.” His face is shadowed by anger as he looks into the flames of the fire like it’s the hell he’s lived. “When they realized their mistake, they tried