going on is, you’ve had a bad day. A bad week. A bad month. You know it’s in part based on race, the whole last hired, first fired mantra, but I’m not a member of that club and I never was! I’ve been fucking Black women since I was sixteen, and I—”
“It’s more than about who you are having sex with, Nixon.”
“Let me finish! I didn’t interrupt you as you read to me, now did I?” She rolled her eyes and turned away. “I was doing this before it was in style! Before people were celebrating that sort of thing, before it was socially acceptable, and I didn’t give two shits who liked it and who didn’t. I dated who I wanted to date from that early age – so that right there is proof that I’ve been in this a long time, and I do in fact have an understanding of what you are going through because I am part of the problem through birth! I know what men who look like me say about people like you, when they don’t have an inkling of who I am in a relationship with. I have always kept my personal life to myself, so people say anything to me, making assumptions – making jokes they think I’d find funny.”
She rubbed up and down her arms.
“You’re not the only Black woman I’ve cared about. You’re not the only Black woman who has come to me upset about an incident that stunk of racism. I’m not going to pretend to be perfect, act like I’ve never stereotyped anyone before, but I can guarantee you, I have never thought I was better than someone because of my race. I think I am better than other people because I am fuckin’ smart! Resourceful! And I know what the hell I am doing more times than not. It’s not fair, what you’re doing. I told you in the shower that you can depend on me. You’re internalizing it and trying to rope me into this, simply because I’m White and a man, just like your enemies in that office. I have nothing in common with them. I can promise you that.”
“That’s not what—”
“Yes, you are.” He raised his voice, frustration filling him. “I fuckin’ love you! Do you have any idea how I have bent over backwards to prove to you that I am serious about you, and this is not a game to me? To show how you’re not just another notch on my belt?”
“I know you love me, baby. I never said you didn’t, but to some degree, we still have completely different perspectives of the world. Those are just the facts.”
“What? No, we don’t. We are on the same planet, in the same country, in the same state and city. We are cut from the same cloth. We have so much in common, it’s ridiculous, and if you want to focus on the few differences, then I’m not your real problem, now am I? My entire life has changed since I decided to go after you. I gave up The Cage for you!”
“And I’ve made sacrifices, too! Do you have any idea how high maintenance you can be sometimes, Nixon?!”
“Oh, you want to talk about high maintenance. Let’s discuss how a couple of weeks ago you kept getting upset with me because I pulled your hair and you said you’d just got it done and began yelling at me about how I messed it up, or how about when we went out to eat and your shrimp was butterflied instead of kept intact, and you had a fit right there in that restaurant.” She quickly turned away, her cheeks reddening. “So, please, let’s not go there. Yasmine, I have had to dissect myself so I would never undermine your feelings. I brought you into my family circle. You met my parents… nobody gets to meet them because to me, that’s serious! Anytime you’ve brought up racism, what have I done?
“I acknowledged your feelings immediately. And no, I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but neither does any man on the planet, including a Black man.” She exhaled loudly. “You’re mad that your boss, who you also considered a friend, fucked you over. I get it! But you don’t get to turn on me and lump me in with him and that other loser just because we all have European ancestors. That’s bullshit and you know it. So you’re wrong. I