word as much as you can. I know everyone here in River Rock will be in for this party, but we need to reach people outside of the locals.”
He nodded. “What’s your plan so far?”
“Tomorrow I’m putting posters up in all the bars that Megan and I can think of. Social media will hopefully help us a ton. Then it’s just word of mouth, connecting with the right people to make it happen.”
“Sounds like you got it all figured out.”
She smiled softly. “You know, I think I actually do, which is weird. I’m usually running around with no idea what I’m doing, but this…it actually feels really good.” He returned the smile, but that smile faded quick, when something changed in her expression. She stared at him openly, with emotion. “I guess that brings me to something I’ve been putting off.”
He glanced back at her, the sun catching the warmer tones in her eyes. “Which is?”
“Us. Talking about what we’re doing here.”
His chest tightened and he glanced back at the stream. “Is it necessary to talk about anything?” He glanced sidelong at her. “We’re good, aren’t we?”
“Good, yes, but…” Her eyes searched his. “But after I went to see Luna, I guess everything she said to me got me thinking about some tough questions.”
“You should speak up,” he said, even though he knew this would backfire on him.
She watched him a long moment and then cringed a little. “Do you think you could ever love me? Like, see a future with me? Is that, after all we’ve been through, even possible?”
Her ability to be a straight shooter always amazed him. That’s partly what pulled him out of the darkness, because she saw a way out of it, and he followed her past his grief. But what she asked…the answer felt so fucking difficult to give her. He ran a hand over his face, so close to opening his mouth and just laying it all out there. But he thought it was kinder to hold back, because he still didn’t know how he was going to tell her about Laurel. “I don’t want to promise you something I don’t know I can give you. This is…I don’t want to mess this up with us. I definitely don’t want to hurt you.”
She gave him a look that pierced right through him. “Hayes, you’re not the only one dealing with this. Do you think this isn’t weird for me too? Laurel was my best friend. We grew up together. You two were supposed to grow old together. But Laurel’s gone, and there’s all this”—she waved between them—“stuff going on.”
Hayes couldn’t take his eyes off her, this woman who changed everything for him, as she added, “I’ve thought about this, believe me. A thousand times. I felt guilty, hated myself, and then felt guilty all over again for having feelings for you. But I always came back to the same conclusion, Laurel wouldn’t hate me for anything I felt. That’s not how our love worked. And I know for certain that Laurel wouldn’t want you to ignore that we’re happy, no matter what’s going in that head of yours. She wouldn’t want you to hold back. You know that.”
He slowly nodded, well aware. “I do know that.”
“Then what’s the problem? Why do I feel like you’re a step behind me?” she asked, leveling him with that potent stare. “Tell me. We’ll work through it.”
His lips parted to admit all his weaknesses and his fears. That he’d failed to protect his wife and love her like she deserved. That he’d ruined Maisie’s life because of it. But nothing came out. What would happen if he told her the truth about Laurel’s death? If he broke her heart all over again? Would she look at him differently? He wondered how he would survive if she walked away. Emotion crept up his throat, the air nearly impossible to inhale. He shut his eyes, feeling like a damn coward when all she’d shown was strength. When he looked at her again, her chin quivered, tears welling in her eyes.
“Okay, so you’re not ready yet,” she said softly and rose.
He stood with her. “Wait.”
She moved to the horses and untied them. “Let’s just ride and not talk. I’m okay with that.”
He strode toward her, the world feeling like it was rushing by. All the things he wanted to stay stuck deep in his throat. All the fears roaring through his mind. She’d pulled him out of his darkest times,