you are doing on this special day? I imagine the Lomaxes are spoiling you with jam sandwiches and cake. Perhaps Gabina has taken you for a walk through the village in your pram – but no, there will still be snow on the paths so maybe Mr Lomax has put you on his shoulders and carried you to see the first spring blossom? I can just see you riding high like a chubby little goddess, your cheeks red in the cold! Do you wear the knitted outfit I sent or have you already outgrown it?
I feel so desolate that I can’t see you changing day by day – you are no longer a baby – and I know from Esmie that you are beginning to point to things and babble as if you are carrying on a conversation.
But what keeps me going is knowing that you are being cared for by people who love you almost as much as I do. One day, I will hold you in my arms again and kiss your soft hair – that day will not come soon enough – and even though you will never be truly mine again I will be happy for any involvement in your growing up. I can no more stop loving you than stop breathing.
Happy birthday my precious girl!
With all the love in the world,
Your adoring Mummy xxxxxxx
After the anniversary passed, Stella settled to her job more easily and with a renewed determination to do her best for the major. The news on the Burma Front was grim, and for the umpteenth time Stella worried over Andrew and whether he was involved.
‘There’s going to be a lot of reorganisation,’ Maclagan predicted. ‘General Slim is being put in charge of rebuilding the 14th Army – and there’s talk of a new command being set up to coordinate all the forces in the east against the Japs. The Americans are insisting on more being done to help them support the Chinese resistance.’
‘Is that why there are so many Americans passing through Delhi?’ asked Stella.
‘Aye, they’re heading for Calcutta and the air bases in Assam,’ said the major.
In May, as the temperature climbed and Delhi became unbearable in the pre-monsoon heat, the major went to a conference in Baroda to speak on soil erosion – his area of expertise – and came back dispirited at the lack of enthusiasm for his suggestions. She knew that his greatest passion was the forestry work that he’d had to give up while he was seconded to the army for the duration of the war.
‘Perhaps people don’t have the energy to think beyond war work at the moment,’ Stella suggested. ‘One day, they’ll be more grateful for your ideas, sir.’
He brightened. ‘Thank you, Miss Dubois. You’re a great tonic to my flagging spirits at times. I love the optimism of the young.’
She ordered up a jug of lime juice and for a few minutes the major relaxed while she distracted him with talk about The Raj Hotel and its eccentric long-time residents. He too enjoyed reminiscing about his early days in the Punjab, and Stella knew that his love of the region had been one of the reasons he’d chosen a secretary from Rawalpindi, so they would have something in common.
‘I must say I envy you all those summers you worked in Gulmarg. Never got that far into the mountains myself,’ he admitted. ‘But one day I’d like to take Margo there – when she comes back . . .’
Stella saw sadness cloud his eyes and said quickly, ‘I’m sure the Lomaxes would give you a great welcome if you stayed at The Raj-in-the-Hills, sir. There’s no more beautiful spot in the world.’
She felt such longing for the place. She would never be able to tell her employer that the main reason for this was her baby daughter, whom she missed every day of her life. Despite starting afresh in a city hundreds of miles away, her yearning seemed to grow stronger rather than diminish as time went by.
As spring turned into summer, as the days grew ever steamier and it seemed there was no relief to be had, Stella grew to regret that she hadn’t taken any leave and gone back to the mountains. The monsoon arrived with a torrential downpour that turned the baked roads to muddy ponds. Greenery sprouted from gutters and ditches, roofs leaked and children shrieked with joy as they splashed each other with tin bowls of water.
Then a letter came