Chapter 7
Castle Hill
“It’s been a while, Joss. What’s been happening?” Dr. Pritchard asked in that careful voice of hers. She had mastered the art of not sounding concerned. Nor too breezy. Just calm. Soothing.
It used to bug the crap out of me. There was a time I would have given anything to hear her yell at her kids for some wrongdoing just so I could hear a little bit of raised blood pressure in her voice. I wanted proof she was human.
Now I knew she was human. She could be a little on the sarcastic side. That’s probably why I liked her so much.
“Braden and I got married,” I informed her quietly, my hands resting on my stomach.
She smiled. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
Dr. Pritchard raised an eyebrow. She gave good eyebrow-raising. “Anything else?”
Easing into the reason for my visit, I avoided the subject altogether. “I got an agent.” It was true. Dana had called at the beginning of the week and I’d signed with her. It should have been one of the most exciting moments of my life. “She has a publisher interested in my manuscript.” Already. Again, should have been one of the most exciting moments of my life.
“That’s great news.”
Dr. Pritchard also seemed to fear hyperbole and expressions of excitement. Again, another reason I liked her so much.
“I’m pregnant.”
The good doctor was quiet a moment as she processed my blurtage. “Is that why you’re here?”
I nodded, trying to ignore the lump of tears in my throat as I thought over the last few days. Our home had been a silent, cold place recently. My whole life had. Ellie and Adam had refused to get in the middle, so they were staying out of it completely. I think Ellie must have talked Elodie into the same because I hadn’t heard from her. I’d gotten tentative texts from my friends but no one wanted to bring the subject up. “It’s slammed up this huge wall between me and Braden.”
“It has or you have?”
“Actually, he has.” I shrugged. “I was scared when I suspected I was pregnant. I was terrified when I found out that it was true. But I knew that wasn’t all. I just . . . I had to get away, go to my place to process. Before I could, Braden got there, I told him, and he took one look at my face and assumed . . . the worst.”
“The worst?”
“That I’m unhappy. That I don’t want a child with him. He’s so mad, so hurt, he wouldn’t and still hasn’t let me explain.”
“And what would you tell him if he gave you the chance?”
My hands pressed tighter against my stomach. “That our kid means more to me than anything ever has before. That it scares me to feel that much for anyone. It always will. But that I’m working through it now. That I’m still scared, and I’m scared about screwing it all up, but that I want this with him. I just needed time to work out what I was feeling.”
“And that was?”
I smiled at the irony. “So happy I was paralyzed.”
“You still believe that everything good will be followed by bad?”
“I haven’t for a long time,” I shook my head. “But this is a huge deal. I had a relapse.”
“Joss, you’re allowed to feel this way. You recognized it and you’re working through it. That’s all anyone can ask.”
We were quiet a moment as I studied my wedding rings, twisting the bands on my finger. “He hurt me,” I whispered, not wanting to admit it out loud.
“Braden?”
I nodded.
“He’s not perfect, Joss. You’ve always known that he was a family man. It must be hard for him to wonder if he’s married to a woman who could be unhappy about carrying her own child, his child.”