The Saddest Song - By Susie Kaye Lopez Page 0,27

almost thought I was taking the wrong girl home.

“Whoa! You really had a good time tonight, huh?”

She giggled, “Yes, I did. I loved all of them and it was so nice to be myself. Just me. Rainey. Not Rainey with the dead boyfriend. Did you like everyone?”

“Yeah, I did. I always thought Colin was a cool guy and I really liked Rylee and Sophie. I had met Ethan once before and I liked him too. Would you want to hang out with them again?”

“Yes! I hope they really do call. Rylee said she would.”

“I’m sure she will. Colin was already talking about next weekend and us playing at his house.”

We talked about the evening and before I knew it we were in Rainey’s driveway. I started to get out to walk her to the door but she put her hand on my arm and smiled, “Stay here. I’m good. Thanks for a great time.” She hopped out and ran to the porch, turning to wave as she went inside.

My parents were both asleep on the couch when I walked in. I turned off the TV and woke them gently. They were happy I had made it home in one piece and we all headed to bed.

Sleep came quickly for a change and I found myself in the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream but it was so detailed and so real. I was sitting on my futon couch playing my guitar. I was thinking that I hoped my playing wouldn’t wake up my parents when Garrett appeared in the doorway between our rooms. He stood there like he had a million times before, but this time I calmly recalled he was dead. Dead, but looking completely alive and relaxed in his favorite grey football t shirt and basketball shorts, his usual bedtime attire.

“Hey Maxwell. Really like the new song.”

“Thanks, but shouldn’t you be in heaven or something?”

He laughed, his hearty laugh and I felt an ache deep in my chest. I missed that laugh so much.

“Yeah, probably but I wanted to see you. Actually I see you a lot, but I wanted you to see me too. It sucks being invisible.”

“This whole thing would have been better if it had been me. Rainey has been having such a tough time.”

“She will be fine. She loves you too, ya know.”

“What does that mean? You aren’t jealous I am hanging out with her are you? We help each other survive you.”

“Not at all, quite the opposite. She needs you and you need her. It will all work out okay. You’ll see.”

“How can it without you here?”

“My time is up and it’s all good. I am where I am supposed to be. Your life bro, it is going to be great. I could tell you things but it’s always better to be surprised. Don’t give up on Rainey. Promise me.”

“Never, Garrett. She is all I have of you.”

“She is more than that, don’t kid yourself.” He walked further into my room and leaned down to hug me. He felt as solid and alive as he looked.

“Love you bro. Never forget it.”

And then he just vanished. I sat up, darkness surrounding me. The dark was never far away.

Chapter 11

Rainey

Later that night as I lay in bed, I realized that this was the first night in forever that I actually felt like myself. Not completely, maybe. There had been moments when I had thought of Garrett and felt the usual ache, but overall, I felt more normal, even happy at a few points throughout the night. I was torn now lying here about whether this was wrong. Was it too soon for me to feel good again? Was I betraying Garrett by going out and having fun when he would never get to do so again?

I had no way of knowing what was right or wrong when it came to surviving this loss. If Garrett were here what would he say? If I had died and he was still alive would he have gone tonight? I thought about this and honestly didn’t know. I couldn’t picture him sad and mourning me. He was so happy and always needed friends around him. I thought of the predatory girls at school and how they would have loved to have stolen him from me. Many of them had tried. If I had died I can only imagine the line of girls waiting to offer him their sympathy, and more.

I stopped my train of thought abruptly. This