met Amy.”
Well, then. I took a few moments to decide how that changed my perspective of the man. Ultimately, it changed nothing. “You’re the reason I spent how long of my life planning my brother’s wedding?”
“I deserve to pay some form of penance. Would it help if I told you that I hadn’t intended for them to meet?”
“That helps a little, but I feel you have failed to appropriately warn my brother what he was getting into—and you may have failed to warn him about scorned women. You better tell me a good headline. I think I need to hear one after this, Rick.”
“Can it be a particularly crude headline?”
In my recent days of pursuing amusing headlines, I’d found a few crude ones, but I wondered how his definition of crude and mine differed. “Sure.”
“Florida Man Vapes Semen.”
My mouth dropped open, and I spluttered for a few moments before asking, “But why?”
“That headline has been haunting me for years. I can’t even imagine why. Worse, the article was unclear about where, exactly, he acquired the semen.”
I closed my mouth, lifted my hand, and scratched at my scalp. “I think I need another headline, but one not as likely to scar me for life.”
“This one was later revealed to be a hoax, but did you hear about the time Florida Man killed his imaginary friend and turned himself in to the police? The mug shot that went with that headline was spectacular.”
“But it sounds so real,” I protested. “That’s a hoax?”
“Fooled me, too. I mean, it’s totally something Florida Man would do. This one isn’t a hoax, though. Florida Man Breaks into Jail to Visit his Friends.”
Florida Man existed to confuse me. “But why?” Florida Man also would never cease to amaze me, and despite everything, I laughed. “Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Meth?”
“Bath salts with a twist.”
“Did they let him see his friends when they arrested him? That seems important.”
“Well, he got charged with some felony criminal mischief, assault against law enforcement officers, and driving while under the influence, so assuming they put him in the same prison, I’d say so. Florida Man has taught me many important life lessons.”
“Don’t do drugs comes to mind.” I shook my head. As always, my doubts surfaced. When I’d up and left home, anger over my brother’s callous words had done a good job of making certain I followed through with my impulsive decision to change my life. Time did what it did best, casting doubt on my choice. “Do you think I’m being stupid, Rick?”
“No, not at all. Everyone has limits. When you hit your limit, you got yourself a car you like, you secured a better job for yourself, and you moved somewhere with more opportunities. I don’t think that’s stupid at all. Impulsive? For certain—but according to Mat, you’re so meticulous most of the time that something like moving to a new city just isn’t something you’d do. Too much could go wrong, and you’re all about making sure nothing can go wrong. Mat’s wedding is a perfect example. You prepared for every contingency.”
“I needed to, too.” I sighed. “I’m going to be in debt forever repaying favors.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought I had already told you she lost the deposits for most of the vendors she picked because she cancelled some, pissed the others off, and otherwise made a mess of everything.”
“I think you had mentioned something about it, but truth be told, I was more concerned about you having taken a baseball to the head. I hadn’t clued in that meant you had personally taken on the debts for the replacements. I thought your brother would have paid for it. How significant were the losses, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“If I start thinking about how much money she lost Mat, I will just get even more pissed off about this situation. With the exception of the caterer, which I’d handled, everything else became a bust. Basically, I bribed the entire replacement wedding staff to cover my ass after Amy screwed up all the wedding plans. I left the papers proving it for my brother to find along with the ball and chain.”
“He was not happy about the ball and chain, by the way.”
“Tough shit. Honestly, that’s exactly why I’m here instead of back home doing the same old grind. I refuse to regret it.”
Rick laughed. “I see you still have a healthy dose of resentment towards your brother—or his wife.”
“Can it be both?”
“It can be both.