I like your honesty. And yes, my job can be tedious and awful at times. Let’s play a game. Winner takes all.”
I got as comfortable as I could on the hospital bed. “Your loss if you bet that.”
“What do you mean? We haven’t even picked wagers yet.”
“I have a packed work schedule for the next two years, and I think I went bankrupt buying the dress I wore into the pond. The only thing I have worth wagering over is the ball and chain, and I already agreed to give it to you.”
Rick chuckled. “I’m sure I can think of something you can do for me.”
What was adding a little more work to my schedule? I could sleep when I was dead. “Household budget? I’m aces at those, and they’re a pain in the ass.”
“As my accountant cries whenever I ask her for help with my budget, you’re on. Should you win, I’ll send you on an all-expenses paid vacation for two weeks, and I’ll be responsible for hiring and paying a good temporary to cover your work.”
It’d been so long since I’d taken a vacation I couldn’t remember what they were like. “What are the rules, and how do we play? How do we keep score?”
“We’ll take turns reading crazy headlines and guessing what the article is about. A point for each correct guess. No points lost for incorrect guesses, as we’d both be in the hole if we did that.”
“But you read these all the time. You probably know all the stories.”
“I’d avoid headlines with Florida Man in them if I were you. Whoever has the highest number of points by the time you’re discharged wins.”
“You’re on. You can go first. Read me a headline.”
Rick grinned and tapped at his phone’s screen. “Security Camera Catches Prowling Suspect Licking Doorbell for 3 Hours.”
I clapped my hands over my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh. A cackle burst out of me, which didn’t help my headache at all. I snorted in my effort to contain my mirth. A giggle slipped out, and I dissolved into helpless laughter. “Well, some poor bastard wasn’t home when that happened. That’s just weird.”
“I’m giving you a point for directly quoting the article. ‘That’s just weird’ is the general consensus on this one.”
I struggled to control my giggling enough to talk. “But why lick a doorbell? That poor homeowner. How long did it take to sanitize that disaster?”
“According to the article, an entire weekend.”
“Was the doorbell licker high?”
“No idea. He wasn’t caught.”
I cleared my throat and drew in deep breaths until the urge to cackle subsided. “That’s a pretty good headline. I can understand the allure. If I had an awful job like yours, I’d be looking for those headlines, too.”
Rick grinned and handed me his phone. “I haven’t read any of the articles on this list, so pick one and go to town.”
I scrolled through my selection until I found one about a rambunctious tree rat. “Wanton Squirrel Scarfs Egg Roll as Twitter Drools.”
“The internet was obviously bored and hungry. I’m going to guess it happened in San Francisco, as their Chinatown is the largest in the United States.”
“Half point for bored and hungry internet, but it happened in New York.”
“I should’ve guessed that,” he groused. “New York squirrels are plentiful and bold. Is the article mostly a vid?”
I nodded and returned his phone. “The squirrel’s true crime was forgetting the sauce.”
“Now that’s just a pity. You can’t have egg rolls without the sauce.” Like me, Rick took his time scrolling through the list. “Here’s a good one. Baby Bunny Causes Bomb Scare in Australia.”
I could think of at least a hundred ways a baby bunny trapped in a bag could unleash utter mayhem in an airport. “He was left in a bag, and he wiggled around inside, thus inspiring fear of a bomb?”
“I’m giving you a point for that. They named him Boeing.”
I’d never known a baby bunny named Boeing could sound so wretchedly adorable. “That’s just too damned cute, Rick.”
“It really is. No one knows why the bunny was abandoned, but the article states Boeing now has a happy home.” Rick gave me his phone, shaking his head while smiling.
Rick’s motivations for reading the headlines clicked, and it was something I’d do if stuck between a rock and a hard place. “You read these as feel-good stories, don’t you?”
“Mostly. The rest of the news is depressing. Sometimes, I read about Florida Man to remind myself there’s no way I could ever do something