Kibbles—about how I’d make a good dad someday. It floored me. For years I’ve lived a life solely centered around one thing: me. And that was how I liked it. No responsibilities, no accountability to anyone or anything. Total freedom.
But when we adopted Mr. Kibbles, something inside me shifted. The little guy scrambles to the door to greet me when I get home. He jumps in my lap the second I sit down so he can snuggle up to me. He licks my hand when I’m upset, and wags his tail when I laugh. It’s nuts. Mr. Kibbles is a dog, but he’s not just a dog. He’s part of our family now. He’s the peg that fits in the small space that the childhood version of me reserved for exactly this.
The day he had his surgery, it turned me into a man I didn’t recognize. I was worried. Panicked, even. I guess I was afraid I’d lose him, just like I’d always feared. Of course he was fine, just like Brooklyn said he’d be, but I’ve had some major revelations since then. Like the fact that for as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid to let myself get truly attached to people or things. Because I didn’t want to go through the pain of having them ripped away from me. I guess my logic was that if I didn’t have anything to care about, then I had nothing to lose.
So yeah, the whole “having kids” thing isn’t something I’ve ever had any interest in, or even gave much consideration to, especially given the very real horrors of my own childhood, and yet…I don’t know. My brother seems to be jumping into the whole thing without a second thought. Which is probably why this party is giving me such a rush of anxiety. It feels like an open wound—the idea of family without the fear. The two have been entwined in my head and my heart for so long, I don’t know if I can ever separate them.
And seeing Stefan happy? It’s like I’m getting to know my brother for the first time all over again. He wasn’t the worst in high school, I’ll give him that. If I really had my back against a wall or needed a favor, he’d come through. Most of the time, though, he was stubborn, arrogant, and antagonistic—but that’s how it is with siblings. (Of course he coddled Emzee, but we both did. She was our baby sister. Still is.) Once he left for college, he turned into even more of a hard-ass. He was practically allergic to happiness judging by the way he mistrusted it. Has he really changed so much now? Is this what “happy wife, happy life” looks like?
I finally get my tie just right and take a step back to check my outfit. Hard to believe I’m really going to be an uncle—that there’s going to be a newborn baby in our family. My chest squeezes. Shit’s about to get real.
“You almost ready, Lu? It’s go time.”
“I know.”
Brooklyn strides in, looking fresh and beautiful in a yellow wrap dress that offers just enough hint of cleavage to get my imagination going. She makes a face and reaches for my tie, making minor adjustments to the knot. Apparently, I didn’t get it as perfect as I thought.
She steps back to admire her work. I reach for her hand and hold it loosely. The feel of her grounds me. I lightly pull her in to me and kiss her pink, glossy lips. “You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she says, searching my gaze. “Everything okay? We don’t need to rush out the door if you’re stressing.”
It blows my mind the way she senses that I’m feeling off. I never imagined anyone would know me like Brooklyn does. Mr. Kibbles prances into the room, makes a circle and stares excitedly at us over his shoulder, tail wagging so hard that his whole rear end moves from side to side.
“Sorry, bud. You’re not coming with.” Brooklyn pats his head. He makes another circle, obviously choosing to ignore her.
“Time to kennel up, Kibs,” I say firmly.
He knows what that means. His expression falls and I feel a little guilty.
After I walk him to his kennel, I bend down to whisper in his ear, “I’ll pick you up a peanut butter bone from Bark and Co. on the way home, okay?”
He lays down with a groan.
“Really? You’re bribing him with a treat?” Brooklyn scoffs.
“I’m practicing for when