To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five - J. S. Cooper Page 0,15

“I’d love to meet some assholes like that.”

“Me too.” Olivia laughed.

I just rolled my eyes. “Trust me, guys. You wouldn’t want to deal with a guy like Jagger. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women and the entire human race.”

“Open the present!” Jane pleaded. “I want to see what he got you. If it’s diamond earrings, I will scream.”

“Why would he give me diamond earrings?” I shook my head. “It’s probably more like trash bags or something. He’s an idiot like that.”

“Sounds kinda sweet to me,” Millie said. “Open it now, please, before we all have to get to work.”

“Fine, hold on.” I put my cup down, grabbed the box, and started tearing off the paper. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was curious to see what Jagger had gotten me, and Jane’s mention of diamond earrings had gotten me excited. I knew Jagger wouldn’t spend that much money on me, but maybe it was something really thoughtful. I couldn’t wait to see.

An envelope fell out of the box as I ripped open the package.

“Read it out loud!” Olivia demanded. “I want to know what he said.”

“Fine.” I cleared my throat. “To the Cute Girl in Apartment Four, I’m so glad I’m your new neighbor. Hopefully, we can catch a movie soon or even dinner. This is for the nights that you deny yourself the pleasure of me. Your Incredibly Cute and Not Rude at All Neighbor in Apartment Five, Jagger.” I rolled my eyes as the girls all oohed and ahhed at the note. “I told you he’s full of himself.”

“He seems like he’s fun,” Millie said. “Now open the box.”

“Fine.” I continued opening the package. The brown box under the paper had a lot of tape and I pulled it off quickly, reaching inside and grabbing the plastic box that was covered by pink tissue paper. I ripped the tissue paper off and stared at my present in shock. There, in all it’s flesh-pink glory, lay a huge cock. The writing on the box read, “8-Inch All-American Whopper Dong.”

“He got you a dildo?” Millie burst out laughing. “That’s hilarious.”

“Not just any dildo.” Olivia grabbed the package from me. “He got her a fake cock that’s—and I quote—made with Realskin for incredible, lifelike feeling.” She giggled.

“That’s fucking huge.” Jane grabbed the dildo from Olivia. “Look at those balls.” She moved her hands back and forth in a jiggling manner. “And look at that head, it looks so real.” She laughed as I glared at her. “Sorry, not sorry. This is hilarious.”

“It’s absolutely crazy.” I shook my head. “And rude as hell. How dare he get me a dildo?” I grabbed the box from her. “For all he knows, I’m getting laid every night.”

“He’s your neighbor, right?” Olivia asked. “He most probably knows that there’s no guy coming over, and I’m guessing he hasn’t heard any late-night screaming?”

“Late-night screaming?” We all looked at her, and she grinned.

“Hey, just because I’m in accounting doesn’t mean I’m a virgin. If you girls haven’t been with a man that’s made you scream, then you haven’t been with a real man.”

“I obviously have not been with a real man, then.” Millie held her hand up. “The only thing I’ve had to scream is, ‘Going faster doesn’t always mean better,’ and ‘Use your fingers as well!’”

I laughed and blushed at the same time.

“I’ve never had to scream, either.” Jane bit her lower lip. “Actually, that’s not true. I had to yell at one guy, ‘That’s not the right hole!’”

“Oh my God, tell me about it.” Millie leaned in all conspiratorial-like. “The last guy I was with kept trying to slip it in backside, and I was like, ‘Did I tell you I wanted to do anal?’” She rolled her eyes. “He kept saying he was confused. I was like no, your dick doesn’t enter my asshole by mistake just like my pussy doesn’t just slip onto your dick. Comprendo?” She shook her head. “Two weeks later, I found out his ex was letting all sorts of accidental slipping happen, and it was over.”

“Oh, no. Are you okay?” I asked Millie, hoping she wasn’t still upset. “That’s awful.”

“I’m fine.” She laughed. “He was an asshole, and I’m glad to be done with him.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jane giggled. “My ex used to push my head into his lap every time we watched a movie as if my job was to give him a blowjob while he enjoyed the movie. He soon learned