To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five - J. S. Cooper Page 0,10
Your friend is cute. I enjoyed the dim sum but would have enjoyed you more.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #2
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
So, are we ever going to talk about our past, or is that to remain hidden, like a dead body in a Lifetime movie?
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #3
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
Did you get a boob job or are those natural? I can do a feel test and let you know what I think if you’re up for it.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #4
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
I’m up for it.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #5
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
I’m very UP for it. If you know what I mean.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #6
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
I hope your first day is going better. If you need a new job, let me know. I know someone that’s hiring. And you can work from home and in bed. My bed.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #7
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
I had a dream last night. It involved you bouncing up and down. I’m sure you can guess what you were bouncing on.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
P. S. No, it wasn’t a bouncy castle
Note #8
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
Can I get your phone number? This way we can save the environment. I can text instead of using paper. And I can include photos.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #9
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
If you want to come over for dinner tonight, let me know. I can be your dessert. I’ve been told I’m very sweet.
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Note #10
To My Cute Neighbor in #4,
Do you consider eight inches big or massive? Trying to decide how to describe my cock on a dating app. :P
Your hunky neighbor in #5,
Jagger
Instead of writing him back a series of rude comments, I decided to call my best friend, Anna. She would know what to do and how I should handle everything.
I grabbed my phone in one hand and was about to start texting her when the microwave beeped, indicating that my meal was done. I grabbed it and carried it to the table, pulling off the plastic. A blob of red sauce and spaghetti stared up at me. There was barely any chicken to be seen, but I wasn’t going to think about it too much. This is what you got when you didn’t cook for yourself. No one ever said that microwave meals were gourmet.
I sat back down at the table and was about to eat when I heard a loud bump against the wall. I froze, wondering if it was intentional or not. I heard another thud and some taps and realized that Jagger was most probably tapping some sort of code to me. I stood there for about ten seconds, and then the thumping stopped. I called Anna, but she didn’t answer so I hung up. I grabbed a pen and a Post-It and quickly wrote a note back to him.
To the Rude Guy in Apartment Five,
Eight millimeters is pretty small. I’m so sorry that you have a micropenis, but maybe a plastic doll somewhere will be interested. Hopefully, the last doll didn’t spread the word or you might be out of luck. No thanks to dinner, no thanks to discussing the past, not interested in your dreams, but last night I dreamt I was on a date with Brad Pitt. Let’s just say he’s the only one I can see myself bouncing on anytime soon.
#4
P.S. Stop banging on my wall. It’s annoying as hell and I will have to report you to the building management if you continue.
I smiled at my note, pleased at my response. “Take that, Jagger,” I muttered as I reread it. I was very clear. He would see that I had no interest in him whatsoever. I didn’t care that my heart had raced at his comment about my boobs. Just thinking of him touching them made my body tingle. How many nights had I imagined him touching me?
Ugh, I didn’t even want to think about those memories. I didn’t want to think about a time when him asking me to give him a lap dance would have made my panties wet. The sad thing was I knew that he knew just how badly I’d wanted him. That was why I had to ensure that he knew I wanted nothing to do with him now. I stood up, walked to my front door and held