doing, and then have to force myself to stop when I realize the thought is arousing me. I take a sip of my coffee, and then shrug a little to myself.
Nothing shameful about it. I’m a man, and she’s a very pretty girl. I happened to see her partially naked, so why wouldn’t I be aroused? The fact that my wife’s corpse hasn’t yet started rotting shouldn’t factor into anything.
Or should it?
Alaine wasn’t my first love. I’d lost loved oned before she passed. Perhaps what I’m feeling is normal. Expected, even. Lust would be a damn sight better than the void I’ve been suspended in for so long, even if it was sinful of me. At least it would mean I can feel again.
My stomach growls as my gaze scans over the luncheon spread.
The master of the house waiting on a guest. I guess it’s manners, but Pippa hasn’t exactly been the picture-perfect nanny either, has she? I grab a thick slice of bread and raspberry preserve, not bothering with butter before spreading out a large dollop over the bread. The cook ground the flour so fine, the bread is almost pure white.
White, red.
Alaine’s sheets, drenched in blood. So much blood. Everywhere, even on Rose. I should have seen it as the omen it was but I’d been blind with rage, mute with terror.
I’d been slicked with blood, too, because the doctor had been unable to stop me taking Rose into my arms. I’d nearly snapped the umbilical cord before they could sever it so neatly—
Pinned both ends, their tiny scissors so clean amid a sea of blood and mucus and afterbirth
—And release my babe from her dead mother’s womb.
They might have thought I was trying to save the child…But I was trying to save my wife.
I couldn’t. Alaine died on that hospital bed, and I was left with a blood-soaked infant wailing in my arms. She’d never stopped howling, except when she wore herself out to the point of exhaustive sleep.
Until Pippa arrived at my manor.
Perhaps I’d been too hard on her. After all, she was merely performing her duties, wasn’t she? What did it matter what Rose fed on, as long as the child didn’t die?
Heaven knows, this house cannot handle another death beneath its eaves — there simply wouldn’t be enough room for all the ghosts.
6
Pippa
I blow a strand of hair from my face, set my jaw, and give Rose my best smile. It’s a weak attempt — I’ve been trying to get the child to take to the bottle for what feels like over an hour. I’ve missed lunch, and after the paltry breakfast I had, my stomach’s been growling at me for a while already.
“Please, Rose. It’s the same damn milk.” I put the rubber teat by her mouth, but she closes her lips with resolute determination, scowling up at me as if I’m doing her a grave injustice.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I shift her up, pop out my breast, and practically shove it in her greedy little mouth.
“This is the last time,” I mutter, rocking back in Brandon’s chair and turning my attention to the window. “Your next meal is from the bottle, or you’ll starve, so help me God.”
I do my best not to nod off while Rose is suckling, and instead study Brandon’s room in more detail. There’s a small shelf with a few well-worn books above the fireplace, but I’m too far away to make out their titles. Some are thick volumes, some thin. Maybe, the next time I’m feeding, I’ll take one down and read it. I left in far too much of a rush to bother with packing more than the bare essentials. In my frazzled state of mind, reading hadn’t factored into my plans.
There’s the slightest of sounds, and on instinct I pluck Rose from my bosom and pull my dress up. Rose’s mouth is still open, and I don’t hesitate for a second. Before she can close her lips, I shove the bottle’s rubber teat into her mouth.
“You missed lunch.”
My skin breaks out in goose flesh at the sound of Brandon’s voice. “I wasn’t sure how hungry Rose would be.”
“May I come in?”
“Of course,” I murmur, and then send a dazzling smile over my shoulder. “She’s taken to the bottle,” I say, before I can stop myself.
“That’s remarkable!” Brandon’s eyes light up, and he strides forward.
Rose squirms, spits out the bottle and makes as if she wants to cry, but I lift her to my shoulder