of her walls wobbled; then everything changed. She tucked herself into him, her head resting against his shoulder, and she let out a shuddering exhale. Her breathing changed and her heartbeat synched to his as if she needed this hug as much as he did.
“I love you so much,” he whispered.
Clearly it was a case of “too much too soon” because she immediately went rigid. Before he could tighten his hold and save the moment, she pretzeled herself sideways in one of those duck-and-twist moves she used to make when spotting anything green on her dinner plate. The result left them in a weird side hug before she pulled back entirely.
“How was school?”
“It was school,” she said, casually studying a chip in her nail polish. It gave him time to casually study her and, damn, that was a lot of makeup, a little bit of shirt, and boots that might well have come with a do-it-yourself pole kit. And boobs! His kid had sprouted boobs, side-hugged him—the fun dad—and was talking to boys who shaved. What the hell was happening?
“Why are you here?” Her tone said she was no longer irritated by his presence. She was pissed. At him.
This was new territory for Emmitt. He and Paisley didn’t do pissy—not with each other. They joked and went on adventures and pulled outrageous pranks on the other “dads.” They even shared the occasional tear over a bucket of ice cream and Lilo & Stitch.
But beneath the attitude, Emmitt sensed a deep sorrow that he couldn’t fix with a joke or a trip to a tropical island. And the day he was no longer able to make her laugh was the day she no longer needed him.
Levi and Gray handled everything else.
“I thought we could walk home together. Catch up. Gray told me that you’re thinking of trying out for varsity soccer. I want to hear all about it,” he said, his excitement sounding a little forced even to him.
“This is high school, not middle. Only losers walk. Tryouts were last week. I made varsity. Yay me. And I have dance committee in an hour.” She picked at her fingernail. “We all caught up? Great. Now, I have to go.”
“Wait.” He reached for her hand before she could make her escape. The second their fingers brushed, she jerked back as if he had cooties. “I came early so we could hang out. It’s a nice day and I figured, instead of waiting here until dance committee starts, we could walk to Smoothie Social and share a Brazzle-berry shake.”
“Smoothie Social closed,” she said, back to peeling the glittery blue goo on her nails. “You’re two months too late.”
“I didn’t know,” he said quietly, wondering if he could have screwed up this reunion more. Not likely.
Social Smoothie was their place. It had been the weekend drop-off spot. Every other Saturday after soccer, Michelle would bring Paisley to Smoothie Social and the three of them would have celebratory smoothies before he and Paisley started their weekend together.
There was no Levi, no Gray, no distractions. Just the three of them doing family their own special way. Now Smoothie Social was gone and, just as he’d been MIA when Michelle died, he hadn’t been there for Paisley when it happened.
At moments like this, he questioned why he’d left home in the first place.
Not long ago, it had been all about the assignment. Back when he was looking for any adventure that would get his blood buzzing. Becoming an instant dad had changed a lot of that, but not the thrill of the assignment.
He’d just had the rush of a lifetime and walked away with his head still attached, but he wasn’t sure it was screwed on the same. He should have come home feeling charged and invincible, excited to get his ducks in a row so he could head back out.
But now, looking at Paisley, he had to admit that navigating parenting without Michelle scared the shit out of him. He was five minutes into his big dad moment and he’d already struck out so bad, he was bound to ride the bench for a good long while.
“I’m sorry, kiddo.”
She lifted a slim shoulder and let it drop. “Whatever. I’m more into lattes anyway.”
They both stood there silently, and Emmitt wondered where the comfortable companionship that was so easy for them had gone.
He watched as the wind played with her curls, and when the sun caught her eyes, his chest tightened. She looked just like the photos