I love the way my heart is thundering in my chest just from touching her warm, soft flesh. It’s the same feeling I get when I cut myself—only this is far better. This is its own heartbeat, its own breath, its own blood and fear.
I fucking want it.
She wipes at her face with the back of her hand and rips her gaze away from mine. They land on the bear I’m holding.
She nods her quivering chin towards it. “You’re holding a teddy bear.”
I turn the soft toy in my dirty hands. “I am.”
“Why?”
I glance over at my daughter’s grave. The sun is shining through the leaves of my tree and casting a ray of light onto her stone, making it glow. I take this as a sign.
I look back at Tabitha and hold the bear out to her. “I was going to give it to someone, but I think maybe you need it more.”
Her hand shakes as she takes it from me and she cradles it against her. “Thank you.” Her voice is slightly above a whisper. She swallows hard and squeezes her eyes shut. Katie would want her to have it. The bears were always meant to cheer someone up. Why not a grieving widow?
I can’t take my eyes off of her. She absolutely takes my breath away. She is so beautifully damaged. She’s wrecked. I can see it in her lifeless eyes. And now I want to fix her in the only way I know how.
I stand up and offer her my hand. “Wanna go for a ride?”
Her eyes widen and her fingers tighten around the bear before she slowly puts her small hand in mine. I pull her up to her feet and her head barely reaches the middle of my chest. She looks down at the grave and takes a deep shuddering breath.
“Yes,” she finally says, nodding a little. “Take me away from here.”
That’s all I need to hear.
She follows me to the bike and surprises me when she just gets on the back without reaction or question. I can see the defiance in her as she plants herself on the seat and stuffs the bear into her purse. She doesn’t look at me at all—she just stares off into the distance, completely expressionless. I start the bike and the engine roars loudly, but she doesn’t even jump at the sound. I tie my hair back, put my sunglasses on and turn to the side to peek at her. I don’t wear a helmet, as this is a no-helmet law state, and I don’t have an extra one on my bike for her. She doesn’t seem concerned about not having it, like most chicks are. Maybe she’s like me and is also daring fate. That’s right, we’re the ones that got away. Wanna try again?
“You gotta hold on, darlin’, or you’re gonna fly right the fuck off.”
“Not sure I’d care,” she replies, but wraps her arms tightly around my waist.
Yes, baby. Embrace the darkness with me.
I pull out of the parking lot, leaving her car and our lost loved ones behind. As the wind whips our long hair behind us, I think we both feel that this is the start of letting go.
The lake house is about an hour away, tucked deep in the mountains. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing, but her hands clasped around me as we ride along the tree-lined curvy roads ignite all sorts of dark thoughts inside me. The feel of her small thighs spread and pressed against my legs makes my cock ache.