like a failure to them some days, Bella is there reminding and encouraging that this happens to the strongest of leaders and the successful ones always keep going while outwardly appearing unbothered. I am strong during the days and while we execute club plans and business, and break at night after my daughter is fast asleep. I drown the heaviness and weight of the world on my shoulders with booze and drugs.
As I pull into my driveway, I park my bike next to Sledge’s. Engine still running, I look up and notice Harmony’s face peeking through the open blinds, plastered with a grin, smiling back at me through the front window. She looks so much like her mother some days it’s hard for me to hold back my tears when I look at her. And on those nights I hold my baby girl as she cries for her momma, it only serves to keep my anger and vengeance freshly fueled.
Twisting the key, I turn off the engine to my bike before dismounting it. As I approach the door, I can hear it being unlocked from the inside as my little Outlaw opens it and leaps into my waiting arms. “Daddy, we have a surprise for you,” she announces through an excited tone.
One look at her face and hearing the happiness in her tone pulls a smile from me. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yes! But, you have to close your eyes,” she explains as she plants her tiny hands over my eyes.
I can hear a slight snicker from Bella before Sledge’s voice breaks free, “Don’t worry, Pres, I’ll hold your hand and guide you.”
“With this rugrat still attached to me?” I tease my little girl as I tickle the sides of her ribcage, evoking laughter from her and nothing I can think of recently has sounded sweeter.
“Stop it, Daddy,” she begs through her giggles and I comply. Sledge ushers me into my house from behind, holding and directing me from my biceps. When we stop, I can sense by knowing the layout of my house that we’re in the kitchen. The strong aroma of something freshly baked floods my senses. “Now, open them,” Harmony instructs, removing her palms from my eyes. “Look down. Do you like it?”
As I open my eyes, I see what appears to be either a cake or a giant cookie, which exactly, I can’t quite make out. But what I can tell, is that my little Outlaw is both the baker and creator of this. As my brain tries to decipher exactly what this is, I don’t want to get the answer wrong nor hurt her feelings, but I need to answer quickly. Mentally flipping a coin in my head, I pray I don’t get this wrong. “Aww, you made me a cake,” I answer with confidence in my voice as I’ve got a plan to get myself out of this if I get it wrong.
“It’s a cookie cake,” she answers, looking down at her masterpiece as she slides down and out of my arms. I hastily wipe my brow as I neither got it necessarily wrong or right and I know she’s happy with my answer. “Do you like my drawing on it with the icing?”
As I scan the cookie cake, I can see that she has attempted to draw a face. Judging by what is supposed to be the hair, I can tell it’s of her mother. “I love it, Outlaw. You have drawn a beautiful portrait of your mother with icing; even the blue backpack you have her wearing.” I throw out an extra detail I observed in hopes for some more points as I shift my gaze to her, a grin covering my face.
She begins to giggle as she looks up at Bella and then back over to me. “That’s not a backpack, Daddy. Those are her angel wings. Remember how you said that she was now an angel who would always be watching over us?” I nod at the sweet gesture while finding myself grateful that I haven’t upset her with my misinterpretation. “Auntie Bella let me make it from scratch!”
Looking to Bella, she gives me a hesitant grin before replying, “It’s true. Flour, eggs, chocolate chips, pancake mix, and syrup. Then bake at three-hundred and fifty degrees for fifteen minutes.” She offers me a reluctant smile.
“Yup,” Harmony states, agreeing with Bella’s list of ingredients and directions. “I wanted to eat it so bad, but I wanted you to have it. You deserve it, Daddy.”