Rogue Devil (The Rourkes #11) - Kylie Gilmore Page 0,61
that’s been my experience. It was a stroke of luck I got to be his neighbor for the summer, and I’m grateful for that. I have to hold onto those bittersweet memories.
I toss clothes into my suitcase, barely seeing them. The thing is, it’s so much more than just sex with him. He makes me feel good, relaxed and secure. Like I have a stable foundation. How weird is that? Sara has always been my stable foundation, and then I made my own, which sometimes feels shaky, but I get through. He’s become important to me, and it kills me that we’re going to be ripped apart. I still, swallowing hard, my exhausted brain trying to focus on why this is the best course of action. His happiness, that’s right. I can’t give him what he deserves. All I’ll do is take him away from everything good in his life.
I press my casual clothes flat to make room for my work clothes on top. I knew he’d be ripped away from me. It was inevitable. It doesn’t matter that I’m the one leaving this time, the result is the same. My vision blurs for a moment, and I blink rapidly to clear it. I desperately need sleep, but first I need to…I can’t be selfish. I have to draw on every ounce of strength within me to do the right thing.
After I finish packing, I change out of my work clothes and into my summer pajamas, an old T-shirt and sweatpants. Then I have second thoughts. Is this how I want Brendan to remember me on our last night together? I change again into a green tank top and jeans, my usual casual uniform.
I take a deep breath and head back to the living room, taking a seat next to him. He’s watching some kind of car show, where the mechanics are fixing up a classic car. I sit quietly, trying to work up the nerve to say what I know has to be said. Something like, it’s been wonderful, but we’re in two different places in our lives, and I think it’s best if we say goodbye now. But let’s meet up again in five years if we’re both still single. I know that last part is selfish, leaving a small window open for getting back together, but at least I’m giving him a chance to meet someone else. He’s older than me, and I honestly don’t expect him to wait around, hoping for someday. It just makes me feel better to think there’s a small ray of hope.
No, I need to cut ties for his sake. He gets his freedom. Period. I wish I could just enjoy tonight. Ah, hell. He’ll ultimately leave me anyway. He’ll get tired of waiting around for the tiny slivers of free time in my life.
He gives me side-eye. “You seem tense.”
I cross my arms and uncross them, trying to appear relaxed. “Nope.”
He presses pause on his show and sets the remote down. “Do I need to take you in there—” he jerks his chin toward the bedroom “—and turn you into a limp noodle?”
I laugh a little, flushing with heat despite my inner turmoil. That’s what I always say he turns me into. He just wrings me out and leaves me boneless, utterly spent. His stamina is incredible. And he’s demanding, wanting everything I can give, and then wanting more. If only everything was as simple as what we have in the bedroom.
He pushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “What’s wrong?”
I swallow hard. “We need to talk.”
He turns off the TV. “I know. It’s your last night here. I’m going to miss you, but we’ll keep in touch, and I’ll see you when you get back.”
I bite my lower lip. “Bren, I think we should stop right here, end it on a high note.”
He stares at me, his jaw gaping.
Shit. I didn’t think this was going to be that big a surprise. It seemed inevitable.
I rush on. “This summer has been great, but after I get back from Villroy, I’ll be working round the clock between my studies and my work at the hospital. Not to mention wrapping up my med school applications. And then I don’t know where I’ll be for med school. I could be thousands of miles away. Everything is so uncertain in my life, and you deserve better than that.”