Rogue Devil (The Rourkes #11) - Kylie Gilmore Page 0,60

Brendan just shifted to my place for privacy when we needed it. Everything felt light and easy until today, my second to last day here. Every time I thought, I only have one day left, my stomach rolled, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Brendan says he can’t get off work to visit me in Villroy, which means this is it. The beginning of the end.

Now it’s three a.m. and I can’t sleep with all the dread building over tomorrow, my last day. I prop up on my elbows and look over at Brendan sound asleep in my bed, and sigh. I’ve been tossing and turning for hours. Giving up, I tiptoe out to the living room and tuck myself into the corner of the sofa with a throw blanket, staring at nothing.

I always knew I’d have to make sacrifices to do what I feel like I was born to do. But I can’t let my choices hurt anyone else. I screwed things up with Michael, and I refuse to repeat history. Brendan deserves happiness with a woman who can give him things I can’t, like a settled life with marriage and kids, the whole deal. That’s not me, at least not for a long time. I’ve got too much to do in the meantime. He says he doesn’t want to get in my way, but the fact is, I’m the one holding him back. He’s older than me and he’ll want that stuff sooner rather than later.

And I can’t ask him to join me on my journey, knowing it could take me far from here. He has no idea how special his close family is because he’s never experienced anything different. Never been lonely or felt broken inside by loss. I don’t want that for him. He belongs here.

Brendan’s warm smile flashes through my mind, making my eyes sting and my chest tighten. I clutch the blanket closer around me like a hug. I love him. I never thought I could feel so deeply for another person. For so long I was at peace, bringing all of my passion and focus to this one thing, my dream career, the thing I was put on this earth to do. Now I’m torn. I can’t give up everything I’ve worked so hard for. But it’s not fair to ask him to sacrifice his career and leave his family for me.

For the first time in my life, my head and my heart are at cross purposes. My head says to let him go, and my heart says to hang on tight no matter the cost. But he’s the one who has to pay the price. I can’t ask that of him. It’s selfish, and that’s not what love should be.

I slide down on the sofa, curling on my side, lost in a dark place of churning emotions and conflicting thoughts. Everything I’ve ever wanted is in reach. Everything I never knew I needed is there too, with him. Give up my dream or give up him? The question circles round and round in an endless painful loop in my mind.

Finally, with the first rays of the sunrise, I toss the blanket back and stand, my limbs heavy. I know what I need to do. My throat tightens painfully, and I cross my arms, hugging myself. It’s the only thing I can do for his ultimate happiness—

I have to let him go.

I dragged through the last day of my internship, drinking multiple cups of coffee to stay awake. After that, Brendan took me to a fancy restaurant for dinner to celebrate my last day, and now we’re back at my place. I loved the restaurant, a white-tablecloth, too-much-silverware kind of place. I love him. I haven’t told him because I know it’ll only make it harder to say goodbye. My gut churns, threatening to bring up dinner. I need a moment before I can face what needs to be done.

I hand him the TV remote. “I’m going to pack.”

“Sure,” he says, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his dress shirt. He looks so handsome in a light blue shirt, navy trousers, and dress shoes. He left work early to shower and change into dressy clothes for our special night.

I smile, but it’s a little wobbly, my throat tight. I go to my bedroom and pull the suitcase from the closet. I have less than twenty-four hours left with Brendan. I tell myself all good things must come to an end. At least