Anything. Something to tell me that she’d just had a moment, but she was okay now.
But it never came.
And earlier, at church, our pastor announced that the wedding was just two weeks away.
Which meant it was still happening.
Which meant I didn’t mean shit to Ruby Grace.
I sighed, releasing my grip on the can a bit as my eyes wandered over Mom’s garden. I felt so many things in equal measure — betrayal, longing, confusion, anger, heartbreak. But more than anything, I felt foolish.
I was the biggest fool.
I’d chased a woman who had another man’s ring on her finger, a woman out of my league by any standard, a woman younger than me, a woman who, in reality, was still just a girl in so many ways. I’d wanted to save her, to be her partner in everything, to fill the emptiness in my life with her and be the one to do the same in her life.
I’d ignored all the warning signs.
And now, I was paying the price.
“You okay over there?” Mikey asked from where he was strumming on his guitar at the opposite corner of the porch. He kept his eyes on the strings, plucking away. “You sound like a dragon with all that huffing.”
“Fuck off, Mikey.”
His head popped up at that, brows tugging together. “Hey…”
“Oh, don’t mind him, Mikey,” Logan said. “He’s got his panties in a wad over Ruby Grace and clearly he just wants to sulk around us, but not actually get our advice.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I spat.
“I know I don’t. None of us do. And we won’t until you tell us.”
“Leave him alone,” Jordan said from his rocking chair, sipping on the old fashioned he’d made. It was like his word was final, Mikey giving me one last look before he started strumming again, and Logan sighing before he drained his beer and stood, walking inside to be with Mom.
Jordan didn’t look at me, but I silently thanked him, anyway.
I had so many questions running through my mind, so many things I wanted to talk about and work through. But at the end of the day, I knew it was pointless.
It didn’t matter why she’d run from me, or why she was still marrying Anthony.
All that mattered was that she did. And she was.
End of story.
I felt her hands on my shoulders before I even realized she’d joined us on the porch. Mom gave my traps a gentle squeeze, holding me in place while she spoke to my brothers. “Can you guys give us a minute?”
Mikey stopped playing abruptly, hopping up before trotting down the stairs to his car. “I’m going to Bailey’s. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Jordan stood next. “I’ll go see what Logan is up to.” He paused, finally looking at me. “For what it’s worth, I’m here. If you need anything.”
Just saying that was hard for Jordan. I knew, because he hadn’t approved of my plan to try to get Ruby Grace in the first place. But as he passed, he put a hand on my shoulder next to Mom’s, squeezing once and leaning in to kiss her cheek before he left us alone.
That was a brother’s love. It was resilient, and always there — even when we didn’t deserve it.
When it was just me and Mom, she rounded my chair, sitting in the empty one next to me. For a long while, she was silent, just rocking next to me with her eyes on the yard.
It was crazy sometimes, looking at Mom. She’d aged in the years since Dad had passed, and I wondered what he would look like now. Would his hair be gray? Would the wrinkles around his eyes and lips be deeper? Would he still be stout as ever, or would he be thin, with a beer belly and a balding head?
Mom was still the same woman I remembered from being a toddler, even though her hair was shorter, a little grayer, her eyes a little more worn. She was still the same superhero I’d always seen when I looked at her.
“So,” she said after a long moment, still rocking gently. “You better have a reason for not touching your brussel sprouts tonight. Those have been your favorite since you were a teenager. And your brothers hate them, so you know I made them just for you.”
I tried to smile. “And you know I love you for it. I’ll take some home, reheat them for lunch tomorrow.”