I came here tonight to give myself one last evening with Noah, one last time in his arms, one last kiss… and then, I knew I’d have to let him go. I knew I’d have to tell him something — anything — to get him to stay away from me.
If I told him the truth, he’d tell me it wasn’t my problem. I already knew he would. But, he couldn’t possibly understand. This was my family at stake — our name, our reputation. Generations of Barnetts were watching me from above, expecting me to do what was right to save the family name.
And I wouldn’t let them down.
I couldn’t let them down.
“I can’t believe you would do this,” I said, sniffing back tears as I stood, leaving Noah in the bean bag. He scrambled up after me. “You applied for a job without asking me, Noah. A job that requires years of commitment.”
He gaped. “But… this is what you said you wanted.”
“No,” I corrected, even though my heart screamed yes. “It’s what I used to want.”
Noah furrowed his brows, taking a step toward me. “Baby, please. Come here.”
He held is arms out wide, and my heart squeezed tight at the sound of the nickname rolling from his lips. I wanted to be his baby. I wanted to be his, period — and I cried harder at the cold reality that I never would be.
Life wasn’t fair.
This was one lesson I’d never forget.
“You’re treating me like a child,” I said against the sobs. “Like you know what’s best for me.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Stop trying to save me when I didn’t ask to be saved.”
His mouth popped shut at that, and he blinked several times, digesting my words as he watched me like I was someone else entirely.
In that moment, I was.
“Don’t do this,” he finally whispered, shaking his head. “Please. Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything,” I said, crying harder. “You did this.” I shook my head, swiping the tears from my face as I made my way toward the treehouse door. “This was all a mistake. I stepped out on my fiancé after one stupid misunderstanding without even talking to him. And I’m sorry I did that, I’m sorry I went to you, but this?” I gestured to the air between us. “This thing that you’re trying to make happen between us? It’s just a fantasy. It’s not the real world.”
“Stop it!” Noah said, crossing the treehouse and stepping in my pathway to the door. “Stop pushing me away because I’m the first person in your life to actually give a damn about you.”
I covered my mouth with my hands, closing my eyes and willing myself to calm down, to stop crying — but I couldn’t.
“Look at me,” he said, framing my arms, but I kept my eyes shut. “This isn’t a fantasy and you know it. This? What we have? It’s real. It’s that bullshit man who only wants you to play a part that’s not real. It’s your parents who want you to be a prop in their life instead of an actual daughter that’s not real.”
I couldn’t respond, not with my heart ripping itself to shreds inside my rib cage with every word he spoke. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around him, bury my face in his neck and tell him everything. I wanted to hear him say I didn’t owe them a thing, that this wasn’t my mess, and more than anything, I wanted to believe that myself.
But as much as I wanted those things, I wanted to be there for my family more.
I loved them, no matter what had transpired between us, and I couldn’t let them go down in flames. Not when I knew I held the fire extinguisher in my hands.
“Look at you,” he said, squeezing my arms as another sob ripped through me. “You feel it, too. You don’t want to leave right now. You don’t want to fight with me.”
I shook my head, pressing my hands into my face more to soak up the tears as they fell.
“What are you not telling me, Ruby Grace?”
Another wave of sobs tore through me, and when I could finally force a breath, I let my hands fall, creaking my eyes open to look up at him through my damp lashes.
I still couldn’t speak.
“What is it?” he whispered, hands framing my face as he searched my eyes.
I shook my head. “You don’t understand,” I whispered.