my mouth just to keep from having to answer his question.
In my head, I know the truth. If it wasn’t for the way he’s been acting recently, I’d tell him that I’ve hoped he’s the dad from day one. Not only do we have somewhat of a history with each other, but I can see our future joining at some point down the road. I don’t want the man to be with me just because we’re having a child together. I like Rocker. He’s attractive. He has a great job, even though it’s dangerous and takes him away for extended periods of time. He’s generous in bed, and that leads me to believe he’ll put a baby before himself—a great quality to have in parenthood.
He’s got a hundred other great traits about him that I’ve chosen to ignore to prevent myself from falling for him, but I don’t even know if a future is on the table for us. It wasn’t when this whole thing started, so I don’t imagine a baby would change things. I’m still not convinced that regardless of who the father is that they don’t have every intention of taking the baby from me.
“What happens if you’re the dad?” I blurt as he shovels the last bite of food into his mouth.
“What do you mean?”
“How do you see yourself parenting if the test comes back that the baby is yours?”
He smiles, and that answers my first question. He wants the results to swing in his favor. “I imagine I’ll have to read a lot of books. I don’t have much experience with babies. I want to be there for everything. First word. First smile. Hell, I don’t think I’ll have a problem with changing dirty diapers.”
I want to grin at the beauty he’s painting, but he hasn’t said we or included me in any of what he just talked about.
“Are you going to try to take this baby away from me?” I ask as he lifts his glass of water to his mouth.
“What?” he sputters. “Why would you ask that?”
“Will Jinx try to take the baby away from me?”
“Where in the world would you get that idea?”
“I’m not educated. I don’t have a great job. I let a man beat on me for years.” I begin ticking off the reasons on my fingers, but he clasps my hand in his. “I can list a million other things if you have time, but I already love this baby, and I plan on being the best mother I can be. You may not think that’s enough.”
“I love that baby already, too.”
Tears that were threatening with my previous words begin to trickle down my cheeks.
“You’re going to be an amazing mother, Simone. I’d never try to take the baby away from you.”
“Wh-what about Jinx?”
He grinds his teeth, and at first I think he’s upset because he doesn’t know or he thinks Jinx would try to make my worst nightmare come true, but when I look deeper into his eyes, I can see it’s because he doesn’t even want to think of the possibility that the baby is anything but his.
“Jinx wouldn’t do that either. Neither he nor I went to college. We lucked out by passing the test to get into the military. It was another stroke of luck that we were actually good at what we do. I’d probably be bartending if Cerberus hadn’t reached out to me. Don’t ever think that you aren’t enough because you’re more than enough for any child, or any man for that matter.”
He’s turned my hand over in his own, and my eyes flutter closed when his lips brush the inside of my wrist. I don’t know if it’s because I’m foolish, but I believe him, at least for now.
The drive back from the café is spent once again in silence, but he hasn’t released my hand once since we climbed inside. I feel a shift between us, but he refuses to come inside when we get back to the apartment complex.
“I have an early morning with the guys tomorrow,” he explains as he walks me to the door. “Jinx will be by tonight.”
He presses a lingering kiss to my cheek, standing to the side until I close myself into the apartment.
If he has an early morning, doesn’t that mean so does Jinx? Either way, he lied to me because Jinx never shows up.
Chapter 19
Rocker
“You look well rested.”
I give Rivet the bird as she walks past the table I’m sitting at on