Rocked (The Everyday Heroes World) - Julia Wolf Page 0,44
a night drunk, high, contemplating what it meant for my star to fade. I didn’t have much of a family—no wife, no kids, my only friends were people who got a paycheck from me. If the spotlight stopped shining and all I had left was myself, would I fade too?
“Are you going back to your roots?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted.
She rested her head on her fist, her eyes traveling over my face. “It seems to me counting on other people to keep your star aflame is a losing proposition. If you get back to your roots, you’ll be grounded, so if you fall, it won’t hurt too bad. What made you want to make music in the first place? Was it fame?”
I cocked a grin and bit her big toe, making her laugh. I hadn’t intended on getting heavy tonight, but I felt the weight of her words on my shoulders.
Kat kicked at me, attempting to free her foot, but I held it firm.
“Don’t avoid the question, Devon.”
“Are you trying to get philosophical with me, Lady?”
“I’m trying to get you to make an album I can enjoy again. Maybe I’ll come to your concert one day and brag to the people around me that I knew you once upon a time.”
“Already putting me in past tense, huh?”
The curve of her lips was soft, but I swore I saw something like pity resting on her face. “We both know where this is going.”
My brows drew together in frustration. “What happens when I come back next summer and rent the little cottage next door?”
She pushed on my knee with her foot. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“You’re killing me, Kat. I’ve already got a bad rep with you?”
“Weren’t you the one who told me what a bad guy you are? I’m just believing you.”
She was right to believe me. As much as I loved this town, I had no idea what my life would look like a year from now. I could make her all the promises today, want like hell to fulfill them, but when I left, my promises would mean jack. The lure of stardom and adoration of the masses was too strong. After all these years, it kept me coming back for more, even when I got my ass kicked and smacked down into a bloody pulp.
“Guess you’re right,” I grumbled.
“Hey.” She poked at me with her toe again. “You never answered why you started making music in the first place.”
“Ah...” I rubbed the stubble on my jaw, thinking about it. “My best friend growing up came from a musical family. Her mom’s a singer, dad’s head of a label. My family wasn’t the best, so I spent most of my time with hers. They had Sunday dance parties, always had music playing in the house. In my kid brain, I decided to make music they’d want to dance to, maybe to solidify my place with them.”
“Did it?”
I heaved a heavy breath. “No. Did the opposite. I allowed my music to tear me apart from my best friend, who had become my wife by then. Her family would sooner shoot me than ever see me again.”
“You cheated on her?” She’d taken her feet from me, and I let her.
“Yeah, I did. I could offer you all the excuses, my age, substance abuse, depression, but it’d all still add up to the same thing. I was a selfish asshole who broke the best thing that ever happened to me. Fame became more important to me than my wife. That family I’d been making music for? They faded as I started to shine.” Leaning forward, I steepled my hands under my chin. “It’s so fucking ugly, but that’s the truth of it. It’s been over a decade now. Mickey moved on, got married, has a baby. And here I am, still living with a stack of regrets so high, I can’t see around them.”
I had no idea why I was being so damn honest with this woman. I wanted nothing more than to get lost in her arms all over again, but after this confession, after revealing what a truly vile human being I was, there was not a chance in hell of that happening—especially knowing her history with Veego. She’d probably chop my dick off before letting it touch her.
Kat sat quietly, her head turned toward the dark yard. “I’m just thinking about how you seemed so angry when I told