of hot water yet,” Carl said. “Not making the tape yourselves doesn’t negate the fact that there is a tape, and it was played on your show.”
“But we didn’t know—”
Adam’s hand on her shoulder interrupted her. “It’s okay,” he said. “Let everyone look at the evidence and sort things out. We can wait a little longer.”
She realized this was the first time he’d touched her since this all happened. His hand felt good. Warm and comforting. She reached up to lace her fingers with his. “All right,” she said. “I’ll wait.” Patience was a new virtue to her, but she was learning some things were worth waiting for. “We’ll wait. Together.”
17
THOUGH the confrontation with Bonnie had brought Adam and Erica together again, the renewed closeness she’d envisioned didn’t materialize.
Her first clue came when she followed him to his house after they left the deli. She jumped out of her car and threw her arms around him, anticipating setting a new speed record for undressing and jumping into his bed. Instead his kiss was less than sizzling.
She drew her head back and looked into his eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “That video proves I had nothing to do with that recording of us. That everything Bonnie said about me was a lie.”
“I know that.” He patted her shoulder and eased out of her arms. “I apologize. I never should have doubted you.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I did doubt you.” He took a step back and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Even when I knew I shouldn’t—that you’ve never given me a reason to—I doubted you.”
“We’ve established that. You said you’re sorry, I forgive you. Now why can’t we kiss and make up?”
He shook his head. “How can I say I love you, then doubt you? Maybe I’m not cut out for this serious relationship stuff.”
He looked so miserable, she probably should have been sympathetic. Instead her main emotion was one of annoyance. “I can’t believe you’re doing this,” she said.
“Doing what?”
Being an idiot. “Being so hard on yourself.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “You made a mistake. So what?”
His eyes met hers, the sadness in them heartbreaking. “I don’t want us to be a mistake.”
His words chilled her. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I need some more time to think. That we should cool things off a little.”
She took her hand from him and stepped back, somehow keeping her voice steady. “You want me to wait while you make up your mind how you really feel about me?”
“Yeah.”
He made it sound so reasonable. But there was nothing reasonable about the anger surging through her now. So much for her vows of patience. Why did he have to make this so difficult? “You said you loved me. I thought you meant it.”
“I did mean it. I do love you. But—”
“No buts. No more excuses. First you couldn’t pursue our relationship because of our jobs. Then we couldn’t tell anyone, because of our jobs. Now you’re not sure about us because of some doubts that crossed your mind about this whole sex tape thing. I’m tired of you second-guessing everything. Love doesn’t work that way.”
He frowned. “Then how does it work, if you’re such an expert?”
“I’m not an expert. But I know how I feel, which is more than you can say, apparently. I know that love isn’t practical or rational or…or necessarily safe. Love involves risk. It means showing a side of yourself to your lover no one else sees—whether that’s in bed or out. It means gambling that the feelings you have now will last and grow stronger. It means taking a chance that the other person will find out some not-so-attractive things about you, and you’ll find out unattractive things about them—and either those things will matter, or they won’t.”
She clenched her fists at her sides, fighting the tears that threatened, forcing words past the knot in her throat. “But first you have to be willing to take those chances. And apparently, you aren’t.”
He stared at her, as if this onslaught of words had dazed him. “I don’t know what to say.”
How about I love you? Or You’re right? Or even Give me another chance? Instead he only stared at her in silence.
She turned and ran to the car. Tears pouring from her eyes, she jabbed the key into the ignition and shifted into Reverse. She only hoped she didn’t run over something as she backed out of his driveway.
When she glanced in the rearview mirror, Adam was still