"What?"
"Send for me to give me instruction," Egwene said quietly, glancing at Elaida, whose back was turned. "We need to speak."
Egwene had originally intended to avoid the Salidar spies, letting Beonin act as her messenger. But she had too many questions. Why hadn't Meidani fled the Tower? What were the spies planning? Had any of the others been adopted by Elaida and beaten down as soundly as Meidani?
Meidani glanced at Elaida, then back at Egwene. "I may not seem it sometimes, but I'm still Aes Sedai, girl. You cannot order me."
"I am your Amyrlin, Meidani," Egwene said calmly, wringing a towel-ful of soup into a pitcher. "And you would do best to remember it. Unless you want the Three Oaths replaced with vows to serve Elaida for eternity."
Meidani glanced at her, then cringed at Elaida's shrill calls for servants. The poor woman had obviously seen a hard time lately.
Egwene laid a hand on her shoulder. "Elaida can be unseated, Meidani. The Tower will be reunited. I will see it happen, but we must keep courage. Send for me."
Meidani looked up, studying Egwene. "How . . . how do you do it? They say you are punished three and four times a day, that you need Healing between so that they can beat you further. How can you take it?"
"I take it because I must," Egwene said, lowering her hand. "Just as we all do what we must. Your service here watching Elaida is difficult, I can see, but know that your work is noticed and appreciated."
Egwene didn't know if Meidani really had been sent to spy on Elaida, but it was always better for a woman to think that her suffering was for a good purpose. It seemed to have been the right thing to say, for Meidani straightened, taking heart and nodding. "Thank you."
Elaida was returning, behind her three servants.
"Send for me," Egwene ordered Meidani again, voice a whisper. "I am one of the few in this Tower who has a good excuse to move between the various Ajah quarters. I can help heal what has been broken, but I will need your help."
Meidani hesitated, then nodded. "Very well."
"You!" Elaida snapped, stepping up to Egwene. "Out! I want you to tell Silviana to strap you as she's never strapped a woman before! I want her to punish you, then Heal you on the spot, then beat you again! Go!"
Egwene stood, handing her towel to one of the servants. Then she walked to the exit.
"And don't think that your clumsiness has allowed you to escape your duties," Elaida continued from behind. "You will return and serve me again on another date. And if you so much as spill another drop, I will have you locked away in a cell with no windows or lights for a week. Do you understand?"
Egwene left the room. Had this woman ever been a true Aes Sedai, in control of her emotions?
Yet Egwene herself had lost control of her emotions. She should never have let herself get to a point where she'd been forced to drop the soup. She had underestimated how infuriating Elaida could be, but that would not happen again. She calmed herself as she walked, breathing in and out. Rage did her no good. You didn't get mad at the weasel who was sneaking into your yard and eating your hens. You simply laid a trap and disposed of the animal. Anger was pointless.
Hands still smelling faintly of pepper and spices, she made her way down to the lowest level of the Tower, to the novices' dining hall beside the main kitchens. Egwene had worked in those kitchens herself frequently during the last nine days; every novice was required to work chores. The smells of the place—charcoal and smoke, simmering soups and sharp, unscented soaps—were very familiar to her. The smells weren't that different, actually, from the kitchen of her father's inn back in the Two Rivers.
The white-walled room was empty, the tables sitting unattended, though there was a small tray on one of them, covered with a pot lid to keep it warm. Her cushion was there as well, left by the novices to soften the hard bench. Egwene approached, but ignored the cushion as she always did, though she was grateful for the gesture. She sat and removed the lid from the meal. Unfortunately, all she found was a bowl of the same brownish soup. There was no hint of the roast, gravy or long, thin buttered beans that had made up the rest of Elaida's meal.
Still, it was food, and Egwene's stomach was grateful for it. Elaida hadn't ordered that she immediately go for punishment, and so Silviana's order that she eat first took precedence. Or, at least, there was enough of an argument there to protect her.
She ate quietly, alone. The soup was indeed spicy, and it tasted as much of pepper as it had smelled, but she didn't mind. Other than that, it was actually quite good. She'd also been left a few slices of bread, though she'd gotten the ends of the loaf. All in all, not a bad meal for someone who had thought she might get nothing.
Egwene ate contemplatively, listening to Laras and the scullions bang pots at washing up in the other room, surprised at how calm she felt. She had changed; something was different about her. Watching Elaida, finally confronting the woman who had been her rival all of these months, forced her to look at what she was doing in a new light.
She had imagined herself undermining Elaida and seizing control of the White Tower from within. Now she realized that she didn't need to undermine Elaida. The woman was fully capable of doing that herself. Why, Egwene could picture the reaction of the Sitters and Ajah heads when Elaida announced her intention to change the Three Oaths!
Elaida would topple eventually, with or without Egwene's help. Egwene's duty, as Amyrlin, wasn't to speed that fall—but to do whatever she could to hold the Tower and its occupants together. They couldn't afford to fracture further. Her duty was to hold back the chaos and destruction that threatened them all, to reforge the Tower. As she finished off her soup, using the last piece of bread to wipe the remnants from the bowl, she realized she had to do whatever she could to be a strength to the sisters in the Tower. Time was growing very short. What was Rand doing to the world without guidance? When would the Seanchan attack to the north? They'd have to cut through Andor to get to Tar Valon, and what destruction would that cause? Surely she had some time to reforge the Tower before the attack came, but no moments to waste.
Egwene took her dish into the kitchen proper and washed it herself, earning a nod of approval from the hefty Mistress of the Kitchens. After that, Egwene made her way up to Silviana's study. She needed to get her punishment done quickly; she still intended to visit Leane tonight, as was her custom. Egwene knocked, then entered, finding Silviana at her desk, leafing through a thick tome by the light of two silver lamps. When Egwene entered, Silviana marked the page with a small length of red cloth, then shut it. The worn cover read Meditations on the Kindling Flame, a history of the rise of various Amyrlins. Curious.
Egwene sat down on a stool before the desk—not flinching at the immediate sharp pain of her backside—and spoke calmly about the evening, omitting the fact that she'd dropped the bowl of soup on purpose. She did, however, say that she'd dropped it after Elaida had talked of revoking and changing the Three Oaths.
Silviana looked very thoughtful at that.
"Well," the woman said, standing up and fetching her lash, "the Amyrlin has spoken."
"Yes, I have," Egwene said, standing up and positioning herself on the table, skirts and shift up for the beating.