I return to him.
He’s curled in on himself and looks as small and timid as a child. He faces me when I enter.
“You don’t have to stay.” I know he says that for my benefit, but I can tell that he’d prefer I stay.
“I remember a man sitting beside my hospital bed. He remained with me even though no one wanted him there but me. If you don’t want me here, then I’ll leave, but I want to stay.”
“I can’t have you stay if you plan to leave me again. I won’t survive that.” His head falls back to the bed.
I can’t leave him because I love him. He has so much shit to wade through, but I don’t expect him to do it alone.
“A while ago, we said we’d take it one kiss at a time, and I’m still willing to do that.” I sit on the bed beside him. “I’m sorry I left you when you needed me the most. I may never forgive myself for that.”
He pulls himself up and leans against the headboard.
“You were right to leave me. I was holding on to the past, but you’re wrong about one thing. I don’t love Mara. I love the memory of Mara because when she was around, so was Roman.” He reaches up and touches a strand of my hair. “When she kissed me, I felt nothing. They weren’t your lips. She had the wrong feel and taste and smell. I tried to hold on to the memory of the brother I loved, not the one who hurt me. Not the one who betrayed me.”
“What they did is unforgivable. Do you think his condition made it difficult for him to think straight? Maybe he wasn’t in his right mind.” I swirl a bite of pasta on the fork and feed him.
“I thought about that, but I can’t give him an easy out, and Mara has no excuse at all. Roman was an asshole, and she was a selfish bitch.”
He takes another bite. We continue that way, a bite and talk until the bowl is empty. With his belly full, he settles back and sighs.
“When he died that June, I tried to adopt my mother’s perception of him. What I knew in my head never matched the truth in my heart, and it messed me up. I can’t get the vision of walking in on them out of my head. When he saw me, his response was classic Roman. He looked at me and told me to go screw myself, because after having him, Mara wouldn’t have anyone else.”
“That’s awful.”
“I got my nose broken for losing a baseball mitt, and he got nothing for stealing my life. Days later, he found out about the leukemia. I never talked to him again. He died June fifteenth with no one there but our mother. I still hate him. Not because he stole my past but because he’s stealing my future.” He sets his hand on my shoulder. “You’re my future, and I won’t let him or Mara take you from me.”
His body folds around mine. He fits me like we were custom made for each other.
“It’ll be okay,” I whisper.
We slide down on the bed. He curls around me, and I’m happy to be in his arms.
“Don’t give up on me,” he whispers.
“I won’t.”
I swear he kissed me. I know he kissed me, but his words made little sense. “I’ll be back.”
I fell back to sleep and dreamed of Terminator.
I walk downstairs, expecting to find him. Instead, there’s a note on the counter.
Katarina,
Thank you for being there and giving me love I don’t deserve. I have a few things to take care of before I can offer you more but don’t doubt that I will. With you, I want everything. The house, the kids, the gray hair. Give me a little time. I’m coming back, and I hope you’ll be waiting for me.
This isn’t me running from you. It’s me clearing the path so I can run to you.
I spoke to my mother, and she knows everything. I didn’t want to put you in a position where you thought you needed to protect me. She respects you, and I never want to jeopardize the friendship you have with her.
Please take this time to think about what you want. I want it all, but I’ll take whatever you’ll offer. It wasn’t until you walked away that I realized how much I love you and how much I lost.
Yours Forever,
Damon
PS – I