for you back home?”
Her big brown eyes widened, and she gulped.
I closed my eyes trying to let that feeling of rejection pass, but it felt like it was settling in. I sat forward on the couch and absentmindedly started knocking on the table with my knuckles. It was just a tick, an old habit that came out when I was scared or upset that I’d never been able to break.
She scooted closer and put her hand on my thigh and rubbed it.
She sighed. “I guess you’ll know sooner or later and you’re imagining the worst already, I can tell. So here goes.” She blew out a sharp breath before continuing. “While working at the reserve, a troupe of gorillas came in. I was so excited at first, and then I overhead one of the humans talking on the phone making plans to sell them off to the highest bidding zoos around the world. The silverback freaked out when they tried to separate him from the females and children. They shot and killed him. He was sold off for meat to the local restaurants. I freed the females, but they were so scared they wouldn’t even leave. I shifted and left with them. They needed me. They would never have survived otherwise.”
The reality of what she was saying hit me hard. “You were their band leader.”
She nodded. “That’s my family out there. They may just be gorillas, but they’re mine. When I got word that there were people in the area capturing gorillas again, I secured their protection with the local bands. One of the silverbacks took them in under his protection and I led the Raglan away from them and was eventually captured.”
“You sacrificed yourself for them?”
“I had to.”
She said it like she had no choice, but there was always a choice. I added another thing to the list I now knew about my mate. She was selfless.
“You’re going back to find them, aren’t you?” I knew the answer to my question before I even asked. She was going to leave me.
She looked so sad as she stared into my eyes. “I tried,” she said. “And I couldn’t and then you were hurt, and I felt so helpless or like it was somehow my fault. I don’t know how to leave you.”
I didn’t let the voice in my head tell me I wasn’t enough or didn’t deserve her. I pushed all the negativity aside and I reached out for my mate and pulled her into my arms. I sat there just holding on to her like my life depended on it.
When she turned her face up to look into mine, my lips crushed down on hers as if they had a mind of their own. We’d both been through too much. We had our scars, but now we had each other too. I wasn’t willing to just let her go. I would fight for her, for us.
She froze, but her lips were soft against mine. It dawned on me from the story she told that she may never have been kissed before. I found that hard to believe, but if she’d been living in her gorilla form for that long then it was possible.
I cupped the side of her face with my hand and caressed her cheek with my thumb. “Relax, Emma.”
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
“Do whatever feels right.”
She looked at me hesitantly, but curious, and then pressed her lips slowly to mine. My heart was thudding in my chest. I refrained from reaching out to her though. It wasn’t easy. I wanted her so badly it hurt, but my job was to protect her and that meant giving her the time and space she needed to adjust to a new kind of life.
I understood now that it wasn’t going to be a smooth or conventional path for us.
She pressed her lips harder to mine and then backed off testing the pressures. I didn’t just sit there like a robot or anything, but I let her explore on her own, watching and learning what she seemed to like and didn’t. When she seemed to relax some, I kissed her back with a bit more urgency. She sighed and her lips naturally parted. My tongue swept in and she gasped then shocked me by sucking my tongue into her mouth and swirling her tongue with mine.
She let out small grunts of frustration as we kissed, but I couldn’t figure out what was bothering her until she moved to