he’s right in front of me. Close enough for me to reach out and touch him, pull him to me. Balling my fists by my sides and setting my resolve in place to say what must be said, I take a slow steady breath.
“I’m moving.”
His eyes close and his face scrunches up like I’ve punched him in the gut.
“Don’t.”
“Next week, I’ve rented an apartment in Santa Monica and I’ve taken a job in a law firm down there.”
“Addison, I didn’t mean anything I said to you.”
“You were so mean.”
“I know,” he whispers, his eyes cast down, his head hung in shame. “I was so mad at you.”
“I didn’t say yes to Matt.”
He nods. And his hand rises to touch me but stops right before it lands on my cheek. “I’m sorry, Addison. I’m so unbelievably sorry.”
“You don’t trust me, Damian.”
He closes his eyes and fists his hands by his sides. “I do.” Slowly his eyes open and he relaxes his stance. “You let another man put a ring on your finger.”
“You shouldn’t have left me alone with him.”
“No. I shouldn’t have,” he agrees. “But seeing him mark you like that and thinking you said yes, it almost killed me.”
“I’m sorry.”
And I am. I’m sorry I let Matt in knowing nothing good could have come of it, I’m sorry I didn’t run after Damian when he left that night, I’m sorry I opened that door and allowed him to say all the nasty things I knew he didn’t mean, but most of all, I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us.
“How is Emily?”
“She’s doing well for a very sick little girl. She asks about you.”
Squeezing my eyes shut and taking in a deep calming breath, I feel his hand brush my hair out of my face. “Where have you been, Addison?”
Slowly opening my eyes, I look into the face I’ve desperately missed. “Looking for the other half of me.”
“Did you find it?”
I sigh and sit on the bed, taking his hand and bringing him down beside me. His palm is rough, calloused, new blisters have formed, and I know he’s been killing himself at the track while I’ve been gone. So many things need to be said, so many unspoken words that he needs to hear. He’s shaking, his hand gripping mine as we sit side by side.
“Damian—”
“No, Addison. I don’t like the tone of your voice. You are not going to end us.”
I squeeze his hand tight and continue. “Leaving for a month, being completely on my own made me realize, I’ve never started over. I pretended to hit the restart button when you moved in. But a real restart is finding yourself and I’ve only found part of me.” I look into his sad eyes, hoping he knows he’s that part. “But I needed to find the rest and I can only do that by myself.”
He kisses me. His lips connecting with mine, his hand resting gently on my face.
This isn’t fair.
His other hand rises to my cheek and as both hands cup my face, he deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping inside our joined mouths and dancing with mine. I’m breathless and he’s stealing all the air from my lungs. I place a hand on his beating heart and it’s racing as fast as mine. Sliding it up to his neck, I run my hand through the back of his hair and let the soft feel of it slip through my fingers. Breaking the kiss, I gently pull away.
He doesn’t let go of my face, his eyes searching mine. “I know what it’s like to fight hard to get yourself back, but Addison, you don’t need to do it alone. Let me go with you.”
I shake my head. “Maybe one day, Damian. But right now, I need to do this by myself.”
“Addison, I was hurt and mean and trying to run from something I should have been running towards. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me. I’ll tell you about Megan, just please, don’t leave like this.”
His voice is hoarse and tormented. And while I know we can’t move forward until he tells me what happened that night six years ago, this move is about me and I would be making it either way.
“My whole life I’ve felt stuck, making decisions to stay put because I was too afraid to take a chance on life. I don’t want to regret my life, Damian. If I stay, if I let you take care of me, I’m