how to fix just about any problem and she’s never failed in being there for me . . . ever. So, while I’m sad to see her go, I feel a new sense of awareness, like I can see the world a little clearer now.
For the first few weeks of Damian’s arrival in my apartment building, I looked forward to our morning routine. Watching him drink his coffee shirtless on our respective balconies and wondering who was going to come out with the craziest coffee mug was the highlight of my day. But ever since we came to some sort of truce over our one night of life altering sex, our nightly routine has become my favorite part of the day. For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every night going for a run, then we eat dinner, and in some form or fashion, I always end up lying between his legs, my back to his front as he wraps his arms around me, and we gaze up at the stars.
He hasn’t kissed me since the night he left me standing breathless on our front porch, and talking about sex is out of the question. But I now know more than ever, that what we shared that night was so far from a mistake, that if I could take those words back, throw them out to sea and anchor them to the bottom of the ocean, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I messed up and I have no clue how to make it any better.
“I think I may lose my job,” I say as I snuggle further into his body, his strong arms embracing me.
“Why? Did you take the sex for money offer you told me about a few weeks ago?”
I gently jab him with my elbow and he grunts in reply. “Thomas keeps asking me to work on Emily’s case, and I keep finding reasons why I’m too busy. That excuse is only going to last so long.”
Damian’s arms squeeze me tighter. “Quit. Come work for me.”
I sit up a little and look back at him. “You mean fight for custody of Emily for you?”
He shakes his head. “No, I already have a team of attorneys working on that. I’m not getting Emily, but they’re trying to find some way for me to have a part in her life, guardianship or something like that. Maybe getting my mom involved.”
“Your mom?” This is all news to me. I assumed Damian had attorneys, but he’d never mentioned it before.
“Yeah, my mom’s raised eight kids, she and my stepdad can certainly afford to bring Emily into our family. I don’t know. It was a thought I had the other day and my team is trying to figure it out. But I’m sure I have a place for you in Extreme Mindlessness.”
I’m going to ignore that comment for now. First, I’m not interested in working for a fitness company and second, there’s no way I’m going to work for Damian. There’s too much that can go wrong with that scenario. I am however interested in this new development with his mom. Part of me thinks this idea is genius, the other is slightly hurt he never ran this idea past me before. I know Damian is close with his mom, but I had no idea they were close enough to discuss Emily’s future or that his mom would want to be a part of it. This is a huge reminder that he hasn’t let me inside his inner shell, and I don’t like the feeling one bit.
“Why are you scowling?” he asks as he sits up and his hands cup my face.
“I’m not scowling. I’m thinking.” I pull my face back slightly so he can’t touch me and his eyes open wide in surprise.
“Are you thinking about pouring that glass of wine over my head? Because you don’t have such a nice look on your face.”
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
He looks confused. “In what way?”
“In every way.”
“Addison, where are you going with this line of questioning?”
Debating how best to say this without sounding like a schoolgirl, I finally just blurt it out. “My feelings are hurt that you’ve been working on some plan for Emily, and you didn’t tell me about it before.”
My insides are angry, my throat thick with tension that I’m risking my job for him and yet he hasn’t given me the decency to let me into every part of his life. I know we’re not a couple,