she’s doing, my purposeful avoidance of her thrown out the window to get to the hospital as quickly as possible, so I’m shocked when I bump right into her. It vaguely registers that she was on her way to my front door, but I don’t have time to hash this out.
Her eyes widen at my sudden appearance and they’re filled with concern.
“Emily’s sick. I gotta get out of here.” Brushing past her I begin to take the stairs two at a time.
“Do you need me to go with you?” she calls from behind.
Doesn’t she know I always want her with me? Running back up, I take her face in my hands. “Yes.” I kiss her, taking those soft lips between my own. “I always need you, Addison.” I kiss her again, because if I don’t, I’ll scream and no one needs that right now. “But they won’t let you in.”
Holding her face between my two large hands, we’re both standing on the front deck of our building, so many unspoken words traveling back and forth between our eyes. Me telling her to stay, please stay and her saying goodbye. It’s such a fucking disaster.
“Okay, well, please keep me posted as to how she’s doing.”
I nod and take off. There’s nothing else I can do to make this situation any easier, or any less painful.
Emily is wearing a respirator when I walk into her room. Her eyes are sleepy looking and she’s so pale she’s almost the color of her sheets.
“How you doing Sweet Pea?”
She cries. Tears stream out of both eyes. In the nine months I’ve watched her fight this disease, she’s rarely cried. The girl is tougher than any extreme athlete I know. So, watching those tears fall one by one, and I want to join her in the sob fest. I want to get down on my knees and cry with her because it’s so unfair. It’s all so fucking unfair.
But that wouldn’t do her any good, so instead, I hold her hand and let her cry as I stroke the back of it, letting her know I’m here for her, whatever she needs.
We stay silent. I think she’s too weak to talk and I’m too emotional to say a word.
After a good twenty minutes, the tears dry, and she seems more relaxed, her big blue eyes slowly closing as she begins to fall asleep.
“She looks a little better.” Susie walks in and I turn in her direction. Emily stays asleep and I’m dying to know her vitals as Susie begins to take them, changing her IV bag.
“What happened?”
“She crashed. Her blood pressure drastically dropped and her coloring . . .well, you can see her coloring.”
“She feels so weak.” Her little hand lies listless in mine, the tiny bones so frail beneath her skin.
“This last treatment was really strong, Damian. I’m not surprised she had this reaction.”
Taking her blood pressure, she gives me a thumbs-up. “Already a lot better.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, I rest my head on her bed and continue to hold her hand as she sleeps.
I’m prepared to sit here all night, and make sure if she wakes, she knows I’m here for her. I’ve already removed my shoes and have gotten comfortable on the tiny couch they have in the room. “You can’t stay, Damian.”
I sit up startled.
“Why not?”
She sits down next to me and takes a deep breath. “We’ve talked about this. And unfortunately, Thomas was called about this recent downfall in her health. He’ll be looking into her visitors. It’s already long past visiting hours. If I let you stay the night, I’ll lose my job. I’m sorry, but you have to leave. I promise, I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.”
That was it, the nail in my coffin. Addison is moving tomorrow, Emily is sick, and I’m not allowed by her side. I feel the rage build up inside me, a storm I’m not sure I can control. Without another word, I grab my beanie and get the fuck out of there.
I want to go to Addison’s, bang on her door and beg her not to leave. Pull her into my arms and slam my lips to hers, show her everything she’s leaving behind and how she’s managed to completely break my fucking heart.
Boxes litter my place. Packing tape is all over the floor, there is nothing left but a bed and a couch. The movers come first thing in the morning and I have no idea if