of disgust and not because of some language barrier.
“Carl! It’s me!” I hissed.
“Me who?”
I whipped off my hat and sunglasses. “Me, Nicole!”
“Oh! Wow. You look different in that outfit,” Carl said. Then he added in a conspiratorial whisper, “Are you in disguise? Did he say he would only hire frumpy nannies or something?”
“No, Carl. I just wanted to be comfortable at the beach and not get another sunburn. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Trying to find out where the hell your story is and what’s taking you so long. Why haven’t you been answering my phone calls? If you can’t get the story, then I’ll find someone who can and give them the fifteen grand,” Carl said in his nastiest tone, but then his expression turned to sweetness and light when he caught sight of Jackson sleeping behind me. “Whoa! Is that Joel’s love child? Give me a second to snap a photo of him to use for the story.”
“Don’t you dare!” I yelled so loudly that Jackson stirred in his sleep. I clutched Carl’s mouth to make him stay quiet until Jackson settled back down. “See what you did? You almost woke him up. You better go.”
“I mean, I wasn’t the one yelling…” Carl pointed out. He wasn’t wrong, but I was having none of it.
“If Joel comes back and sees you, you will totally blow my cover as the nanny, so you better get out of here right now!” I stuck my sunglasses and hat back on, picked up Jackson’s carrier with one hand and grabbed Carl’s arm with the other, practically dragging him around the other side of the shed toward the side yard.
“Why hello there! Who’s this?”
Come on! Why can’t I catch a break today?
I looked up to see Joel, jacket gone, sleeves rolled up and a bottle of beer in one hand, coming out the back door to the deck with a huge smile on his face. I thought I had already run through every possible way this undercover nanny plan could blow up in my face, but I never pictured standing in the bushes in a muumuu with Carl.
Just as Carl announced, “I’m her boyfriend,” I said, “He’s my uncle” at the exact same time.
Great. Kill me now.
“Those two things can’t both be true, can they?” Joel asked, unsure whether to be amused or scared.
“I’ve got this, Carl,” I whispered so softly that only he could hear.
“Do you though?” Carl asked under his breath. He walked up to Joel with his hand extended and his voice booming. “Actually, they’re both true! I’m her uncle by marriage, and I should have said ex-boyfriend. Nicole and I used to date before her aunt came in and stole me from her. It was a hard choice, but in the end, I dumped Nicole. You should see her aunt. Super hot.”
Scratch that. I was going to kill Carl now.
“Carl was just leaving,” I said, shoving him a little too hard in the back. “He came by to tell me about his visit with Mum at hospital, but he said he’s in a rush and can’t stay.”
“Oh, too bad,” Joel said. “You don’t even have time for a beer?”
“Well, maybe just one.” Carl looked like he’d be happy to stay all night. I dug my finger into his rib. “Actually, no. I’d love to but the old ball and chain gets pretty pouty when I leave her home alone too long.”
I think he tried to wink at Joel in a conspiratorial man-to-man way, but with his little eyes, it looked more like he was batting his eyelashes. Joel looked more amused than repulsed. I had to get Carl out of there before things got worse.
“Hey, mind if I take a few photos of you and the baby before I go, Joel? I could show Nicole’s aunt where she’s working.”
“No!” I said so forcefully that it really did wake Jackson up this time and he started to whine. “You better go, unless you want to stick around and change the baby’s nappy. It smells like a real whopper.”
That worked. Apparently, Carl didn’t care about lying or trespassing or destroying flower beds to get a story, but a poopy nappy was too much. He said a quick goodbye and hustled out of the yard. I craned my neck to look around the house and make sure that he actually left and wasn’t going to hide in the shrubbery with his camera phone.
Joel already had Jackson out of the carrier and was