was reading from the Quran and comforting the women and children in the house. I stared into the man’s eyes and only saw fear and a desire to help the family. I backed out of the residence and told Dragon it was clear of enemy combatants. We loaded the detainees into our vehicles and headed back to base. I’d give anything if I could go back to that day and do things differently.”
“The man wasn’t a clergyman?” Avery asked.
“He was but also a high-ranking Al-Qaeda member our intelligence officers had nicknamed the Radical Mullah. I would learn later his name was Daud Alakozai and that IEDs were his brainchild. When he was eventually captured, he told interrogators about his near capture in Kamdesh. Alakozai laughed about how he made the stupid US soldier pay by killing as many Americans as possible. My team didn’t die in the Humvee crash. Those animals took them captive and executed them. They saw my mangled face and blood loss and assumed I was dead instead of unconscious. The rest of our unit found me when they came to recover the fallen.”
“Oh, Jonah,” Avery whispered.
“When I saw his picture on the news and realized what I’d done…” Jonah took a shaky breath. “Eagle was about to become a father for the first time. Cobra had just gotten engaged. Lion had only been married for eight months.”
“And Dragon?” Avery asked.
“He was my boyfriend. We couldn’t tell anyone back then because of DADT, but we had big plans for after we got out of the army. Danny wasn’t my first boyfriend, but he was my first love. Knowing I failed him…”
Avery held Jonah tighter as tears of regret streamed down his face. “I’m so sorry.”
Avery just listened as Jonah talked about the debilitating depression that haunted him for years. He didn’t offer platitudes or try to absolve Jonah’s guilt. Jonah had heard it all before from the psychiatrists he sought for help and the family members of his fallen friends. Nothing they said seemed to make a difference, and Jonah finally understood why. Ellen was right. Forgiveness wasn’t something he needed from other people; he needed to liberate himself. The first step was acknowledging that he was worthy of forgiveness. Then he could work on achieving it.
I am worthy of forgiveness. He’d repeat it as often as he needed.
“Ellie recognized that I needed a purpose and encouraged me to pursue law enforcement,” Jonah said. “I laughed and reminded her how much I hated guns and she pointed out there is more than one way to catch bad guys. I combined my love of computers with my desire to understand what makes people tick. I started out taking psychology classes to try to heal the broken pieces of my soul, but it took on a whole new life.”
“Listening to your aunt Ellie has worked out really well for you,” Avery whispered before kissing Jonah’s lips.
“She has the best ideas.” Jonah pressed his forehead against Avery’s. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”
“Never.” Avery’s resolute conviction was spoiled by a big yawn at the end. God, he was so fucking adorable.
“We don’t need to be at Felix’s house until noon. Let’s try to get more sleep.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Avery said, tucking himself under Jonah’s arm and resting his head over Jonah’s heart. “First a nap, then we crusade.”
Jonah placed his hand on Avery’s waist, anchoring him against his body. While cuddling wasn’t his dick’s favorite pastime, it was quickly becoming Jonah’s. He figured his thoughts were too turbulent to permit sleep, but he sank into Avery’s heat.
“Are you sure Felix and Rocky won’t mind me tagging along to the podcast recording with you?” Avery asked when they pulled up to Felix’s house.
“Tagging along? You’re not my annoying little brother,” Jonah teased. “The guys like you, and I really, really like you.”
A light pink blush bloomed across Avery’s cheeks. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m positive,” Jonah said, pushing open the door. It seemed like second nature to reach for Avery’s hand when he rounded the hood and joined him.
Rocky had arrived before them but was still sitting in his car. Jonah noticed he was talking on the phone when they walked by. Judging by Rocky’s stiff posture, his friend wasn’t enjoying the conversation. Was the cheating wife case still giving him fits, or was the issue more personal?
Felix met them at the door when they stepped onto the porch. “Where’s Major?” he asked.
“Hello to you too,” Jonah teased.
“Oh, shut