damned. You’ve been with me for fifteen years. Now hurry up and come home.” Rising to the balls of my feet, I press my lips against his while I whisper something I said over and over throughout the night. “I love you, Ace.”
“I love you too, Owl. Now, take Kevin and go. I won’t leave until you’re both through security.” The rasp of his beard against my chin gets moist. Pulling back, I’m shocked by the wetness in his eyes. But beyond the same love, the sadness at our separation, there’s an absolute certainty in us that gives me the strength to let go.
My fingers clench in at his chest one last time before I step back and let Jennings go. Turning toward Kevin, I move away so father and son can embrace tightly one final time. Kevin’s as reluctant to let his father go as I am. Oh Jennings, you’re right. We’re going to be fine but only once we’re all together again. And with that thought, it’s time for us to begin the journey to head home. “Kevin, it’s time,” I say softly.
He shakes his head back and forth in the crook of Jennings’s shoulder. I step forward and lay my hand on his back. “Come on, sweetheart. It’s time to go home. The sooner we do—” I swallow hard as Jennings’s damp eyes lock with mine. I have to clear my throat again. “The sooner your dad will come.”
The two separate. Kevin moves reluctantly to my side. Reaching over, I grip his arm. I’m about to speak when Jennings beats me to it. “Call. Text. But as much as I want to prolong this”—he glances at his watch—“it’s time.”
“Right.” The three of us shuffle over to the agent on duty. Handing over our IDs and tickets, Kevin and I enter the line. Jennings walks along side of us until we’re about to make the first turn.
I open my mouth to tell him one last time how much I love him, but he presses his lips against mine. “I just want to breathe you in one last time,” he sighs.
I don’t waste words when the molecules of air between us transmit everything I want to say better than I can. Once, twice. On the third breath, I press my mouth to his hard and turn away not because I want to but because I have to. I grab Kevin’s hand, and we quickly approach the TSA agent, hand over our tickets and IDs, and walk up to have our bags scanned.
I don’t turn around.
Only once we collect our bags and make our way out of the security area do I glance back.
I can’t see Jennings. I didn’t expect to, but somehow my heart still aches.
Kevin tugs on my arm. “Come on, Mom. I see our gate up ahead.” He steers me to the left.
I start to shove away all of my emotions inside a vault I might dare to open when I’m back in our home in Ponte Vedra—when I know it’s really over. “So, what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home? Set up your gaming system? Maybe see if any of your friends are around?” I ask.
He stares at me as if I’ve suddenly grown two heads in the last ten minutes. “Call Dad. Let him know we’re home. Tomorrow is soon enough to deal with everything else.”
“Right.” We reach our gate and plop into two empty chairs. Kevin whips out his earbuds and shoves them in his ears. As for me, I stare out into the light that’s beginning to edge its way across the morning sky, another indicator this is real. As if I needed another, I think bitterly.
Occasionally, I check my phone to see if Jennings has texted, but I hope he’s headed back to Maris’s to find some sleep. He has to pack up himself before he heads back to his life in Seattle and whatever is waiting for him there. But I still clench the phone in my fist, because it’s the only thing I’ve got left tying me to him, this place. I’m willing it to do something before I board the plane.
About thirty minutes later, boarding commences. Kevin and I stand as our boarding group is called. It’s just like the last time I left. No, this is different, I remind myself. This time I don’t just have Kevin; I have Jennings’s heart. That’s not going to change. Like he said, there’s nothing between us