to choose.”
He was right, I knew that. But why did I have to choose? Plenty of other women got to have kids and careers. Why was I the only one who had to choose? And what if I chose wrong?
“What if doesn’t work?” I asked. “What if I do all that—walk away from the column, take the money, fix up the house—and the birth mother picks a different family? I’d have given up everything, and for what?”
“For a chance to be happy,” Calvin said. “That’s the most anybody ever gets, Cel. A chance. But you already know that. Just like you know that the only way we get that chance is to take a chance, on ourselves, on other people. That’s why I married Simon. That’s why you married Steve.”
“Yeah. Look how that worked out,” I muttered.
Calvin is never short on banter or snappy retorts. But for the first time in my memory, twice in one conversation, he had nothing to say. Or nothing he was willing to say. Maybe, like me, he was afraid that talking would end in tears.
Calvin was my best friend and I was his. Nothing was ever going to change that. But if I left New York, it would leave a hole in both our lives. Yes, we’d talk on the phone. We’d Skype and text and leave hearts and emojis and comments on each other’s Instagram stories. But that’s no substitute for spending time together, face to face and side by side. If I left New York, I would miss Calvin so much, and he would miss me. Even so, he was telling me to go, because he wanted me to be happy.
Would I be happy? Would anything work out the way I hoped it would? Maybe. Maybe not. Like Calvin said, a chance is the best that anybody gets.
I took a deep breath.
“Okay, then. I guess . . . I’ll stay.” Calvin bobbed his head and I paused for a moment, trying to let the finality of my decision sink in. “I guess tomorrow we should go over to the house and—”
“Cel,” he said, shaking his head and cutting me off, “I’ve got to go back in the morning. Simon called. The warlords have shut down the clinic and they’re being thrown out of the country. He’ll land at JFK late tomorrow night and I’m going to meet him at the airport. I’m sorry. I hate leaving you in a lurch but . . .”
He didn’t need to apologize. Simon was Calvin’s chance for happiness, just like the baby might be mine. I wouldn’t stand in the way of that.
“It’s okay,” I said, and tried to smile so he’d know it really was. “I’ve got this. Tell you what, we’ll have breakfast in the morning and then I’ll take you to the airport. Want to go to the biscuit place again?”
He shook his head. “I’m on a six o’clock flight. I’m going to sleep a couple of hours, then pack and grab a cab. You should go back to bed. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
He got to his feet and gave me a hug. I hugged him back, holding on tight, willing myself not to cry because if I started, I knew he would too. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve watched Miracle on 34th Street. But whenever Susie jumps out of the car and into the house that’s her Christmas wish come true, Calvin always tears up. He uses humor to hide it, but the truth is, Calvin is even more sentimental than I am.
“I’m really going to miss you,” I said.
“Me too, cupcake. Like a front tooth,” he said, giving me a squeeze. “I love you, Cel. I’d never, ever want to sleep with you, not in a million years, but I love you.”
I laughed and swiped at my eyes and let go.
“Same here.”
Chapter Eleven
When I woke up it was Sunday. Calvin was gone and, for the first time in my life, I wished I had a dog.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I’m anti-dog. Dogs are cute, from a distance. And I can understand why some people might want one. I’ve just never been one of those people. Dogs are slobbery and invasive and a little rude, sticking their noses into places they have no business being. They’re also super needy. I once heard a comedian say that getting a dog is like having someone move in with you who’s been through a lot lately and