her face, and leaving streaks, through a little dust, and soot that had settled on her skin throughout the day.
As soon as I touched her, her silent tears became loud sobs, and I pulled her against me in a hug.
Turned out what I thought earlier was right. She was definitely the girl whose tears I would move heaven and earth to stop.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s okay.”
“I … I know it is,” she said, over hiccups. “I … I don’t even know why I’m … cry … crying.”
And then she cried more, and harder. And I held her against my sweaty chest, waiting it out, until she was able to make herself stop.
I peeled her backpack off her and let it drop on the floor near my front door and led her further into the apartment. Then we looked at each other. Lila turned away only to look at the view. One side of my apartment had large windows almost down to the floor, through which there was a great view of Billy Penn atop City Hall.
“I love this city,” she said.
And then she started crying again, but this time softly.
“Hey,” I said going to her, and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you go in and take a shower? Wash this day off you. I’ve got like a dozen frozen pizzas, so I’ll throw one in the oven so you can eat when you get out. And then … we can talk, or you can call you dad, or …”
“Thank you,” she said. “I’d love a shower.”
It was a scramble to find a clean towel, and an extra washrag but I did, handing both to Lila just before she disappeared behind my bathroom door. I listened, wondering whether she would engage the lock. I didn’t plan to go in of course, but it felt important that she not lock the door, that she trust me even though it would make perfect sense that she not. At least not completely.
She didn’t engage the lock, and I was surprised to be both happy that she hadn’t and annoyed with her. Tianna was right. She didn’t know me from a can of paint.
How the hell hadn’t she locked the damn door?
I busied myself with getting out a pizza, putting it in the oven and then calling my pops.
We talked, faux-casually for a few minutes and he didn’t ask me if I had gone out to join the protests. But I told him. I don’t know why, since that was definitely not our usual modus operandi.
“You did?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I think it’s gon’ get ugly tonight.”
“Well then I’m glad you went home,” he said.
“And what if I hadn’t?” I asked him. “What if … what if I was out there? What if I contributed to … you know … making things …”
“Then, Kai, I would think you were acting according to whatever your conscience allowed.”
“And you wouldn’t be mad?” I challenged.
“Oh, I would definitely be mad,” he said. “But some decisions, as you become man, aren’t mine to make.”
I smiled. “A’ight, well, I’ma get something to eat, and get clean,” I said.
“Okay, you do that. Call again tomorrow. Talk to your mother.”
“And Taylor?” I said, before he hung up. “How’s she …?”
There was a long pause, and then a sigh.
“I think she could use a conversation with her big brother.”
“Okay,” I said, my voice hoarse.
I took the pizza out of the oven just as I heard the bathroom door open. And then Lila was standing there, my towel wrapped around her, looking much larger than it felt when it was around me. She really was tiny. Her arms and legs slender and gamine. Her hair looked like the heaviest thing about her.
“I feel weird putting on my sweaty, dirty clothes,” she said. “D’you have anything I could borrow? A t-shirt, and maybe sweatpants?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, realizing that I was staring.
I found her a t-shirt and boxer shorts that had a drawstring in the front, so Lila disappeared into the bathroom again for a few moments, emerging looking much more composed, her hair pulled up into a large bun at the top of her head.
“The pizza’s ready,” I told her. “You want to get started without me, that’s fine. I wanna jump in and wash some of this stink off, too.”
She nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll just grab some plates and stuff and wait for you.”
I showered as thoroughly as I could as quickly as I could, the whole time