I can't deny that there are feelings in me I don't recognize. Feelings I still haven't figured out how to identify. But they are there, lurking in the depths. And the notion of extricating them now feels almost as unbearable as ending her life.
Still, there is a part of me that knows I must extinguish them. These seedlings will continue to grow if they are fed in her presence. It has to be now or never. I have to figure out how to hate my wife forever or live with the uncertainty that the decision might not be my own.
The song comes to an end, and Mercedes turns, eyes shining with sadness. She's searching my face for the hatred she is certain she'll find.
"Santi?" she whispers. "You came to see me?"
"Yes." My tone is cold, and a small part of me wishes it wasn't when her face falls. "I came to ask you about the aspirin you left in my wife's room."
She clasps her hands together in her lap, answering softly. "Aspirin?"
"Yes," I grit out. "The aspirin you gave her. The aspirin she used to try to kill herself and my child."
"Child?" she repeats, her voice fracturing. "You... you got her pregnant?"
For a moment, her anger returns. Her eyes harden, and she shakes her head as she rises to her feet, sneering in disgust. "How could you? She's the enemy, Santiago. What part of that don't you remember?"
Judge walks to her, his shadow falling over her face as he clasps her jaw in his hand, leaning in to whisper a threat that seems to hold more power over her than I'd expect.
"Behave."
She glances up at him, her face softening a fraction before she dips her head and nods begrudgingly. Admittedly, I am surprised by this. I knew Judge to be more than capable of guiding her, but I did not expect her to be so pliable just yet. It leaves me to wonder if there is more between them than he is letting on. If I should have even left her here at all. But Judge wouldn't betray my trust by exploiting Mercedes’s vulnerability. He wouldn't risk his position within The Society by ruining her for another man who actually would intend to marry her. And I feel more confident in that knowledge when he turns back to me, his expression as cool as always.
"You think I gave them to her intentionally, to kill herself," Mercedes says. "That's why you came here."
"It isn't out of the realm of possibility," I reply sharply. "I need to know what other schemes you may have left unfinished."
She casts her eyes to the floor to hide the tears she's fighting back. And after a moment, she regains her composure enough to look up at me again.
"I didn't have any other schemes, Santi. I gave her the aspirin for pain. That was my only intention. I never meant to hurt your precious wife or child."
The last of her words are colored with bitterness, and I know it's because she feels like she's losing me. The only family she has left. I knew she would not bear the news gladly, but it bothers me more than it should. I consider offering her my assurances that she will always be my family, but how can I? After what she has done, how can I ever trust her again?
"For your sake, I hope that isn't another lie," I answer.
She crosses her arms and casts her eyes to the floor, closing herself off. Clearly, we are both finished with this conversation, and I think it is best to leave any other pleasantries for a time we might actually mean them.
I turn to go, Judge by my side. But when we reach the hall, Mercedes calls after us.
"Goddammit. Wait a second. I have something to tell you."
I turn slowly, weary this might be another confession. Another trap she's set. Another threat to my wife.
"I'm not telling you for Ivy's sake," she clips out. "I'm telling you because I want to show you that you can trust me."
"What is it?" I demand.
She hesitates again, shifting her weight as she glances at Judge as if to seek his approval. He nods at her, and she returns her gaze to mine.
"It's about Chambers," she says. "That doctor."
"What about him?"
She glances briefly at Judge again, and then back to me. "After the poisoning, when you mentioned Abel, and the pieces started falling into place, I was following him. I wanted to see how he