eased her into it as she stared at him. “No!” And suddenly she put her hands to her face and began to whimper, as Teddy knelt before her, tears streaming down his face as he held her. When she looked up at him again, he had never seen eyes so bleak. “I knew it… before he left… I felt it … and he wouldn't listen.” Sobs wracked her as they cried, and then suddenly he saw her stiffen as her eyes went to the doorway. He turned to see what she saw, and there, watching them, in her nightgown, was Vanessa.
“Where's Daddy?”
“He's still away, sweetheart.” Serena wiped her tears with her hands and held her arms out to her daughter. But as the child climbed onto her lap with a look of concern, Serena was overcome and Teddy couldn't bear to watch them.
“Why are you and Uncle Teddy crying?”
Serena thought for a long moment, her eyes flowing freely, with the child in her arms, and then she gently kissed Vanessa on the soft golden curls and looked at her with wisdom and sorrow. “We are crying, my darling, because we have just had some very sad news.” The child watched her mother with wide, trusting eyes. “And you're a big girl so I'm going to tell you.” She took a deep breath, and Teddy watched her. “Daddy isn't coming back from his trip, my darling.”
“Why not?” She looked shocked, as though they had just told her that Santa Claus was gone forever. And for Serena and Vanessa, he was now.
Serena steeled herself and attempted to speak calmly. “Because God decided that he wanted Daddy with Him. He needed Daddy as one of his angels.”
“Is Daddy an angel now?” Vanessa looked amazed.
“Yes.”
“Does he have wings?”
Serena smiled, as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. “I don't think so. But he's up in heaven with God, and he is with us all the time now.”
“Can I see him?” The child's eyes were enormous as she asked and Serena shook her head.
“No, my darling. But we will always remember him and love him.”
“But I want to see him!” She began to cry and Serena held her tight, thinking the same words … and they would never see him again … never … he was gone forever.
Later that morning several officials came to see her. They gave her all the details she didn't want, made a formal little speech about how he had died in the service of his country. They explained about the funeral and told her that she could stay at the Presidio for another thirty days after that, as Serena tried to understand what they said and felt that she understood nothing.
“Thirty days?” She looked at Teddy blankly. And then it dawned on her. The Presidio owned their home, and now she no longer belonged to the army. She would get a small pension, but that was all, she had to go out into the big world and learn to live like a civilian. Gone the protected little dream world of the forests of the Presidio, hanging over the bay, and being protected by her husband. It was all over for her now. And the real world was waiting out there to devour her. She remembered also, as did Teddy, the paper that her mother-in-law had made her sign at the very beginning, and by the next morning Teddy had discovered that his brother had died intestate. He had left no will, so that everything he had reverted to his family. There would be nothing for Serena, or Vanessa, or the new baby. The implication of what lay before her was so overwhelming that Serena lay awake for two nights, staring at the ceiling. He was gone … he was never coming back … Brad was dead. She repeated it to herself over and over and over. She opened the closet doors and saw his clothes there, there were even shirts in the cupboard downstairs that needed ironing. But he was never coming back to wear them, and as the realization hit her again, she knelt on the laundry room floor, clutching his shirts and sobbing. Teddy found her there and led her slowly upstairs, where they discovered Vanessa looking tiny and stricken, hiding in Brad's closet. She had climbed into Teddy's lap and with big sad eyes had asked him, “Now will you be my daddy?” They were all aching with the strain and the misery, and by the third day