gave one-word answers and wished I was anywhere else.
Are you dating my son?
We were friends.
I’d only met Sebastian a few days before, and we were friends.
I had fed him. Draped a blanket over him. Put socks on him. In essence, done everything for him I’d learned to do for my wife when she’d borne our children and for my kids when they’d had the flu.
Was I going crazy, or did Sebastian already mean more to me than I was comfortable admitting, even to myself?
Are you dating my son?
I couldn’t answer that question without another question:
What would happen if I did?
Chapter Fourteen
Bast
Curiouser and curiouser.
Like Alice, I’d certainly fallen. I believed I’d fallen off a cliff. Who knew I’d also gone down a rabbit hole from which I couldn’t extricate myself?
If my dad had his way, there would be doctors and more doctors to ferret out my state of mind the night I got hurt. That was a long time coming but still, uncomfortable. Since the incident, the investigation afterwards, the court battles, and the eventual settlement, I hadn’t gotten a single full night’s sleep. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d binged a lot of Asian dramas and anime—my preferred way of killing time—ever since.
But with time had come distance. Not peace because I doubted I’d ever have that again. I’d allowed myself to believe the past was buried, and given the appearance of that video, the past had come back with a vengeance.
Was I the target of the video or collateral damage?
Molly had taken my phone and forbidden me to ask what was going on outside my hospital room. I couldn’t help but think she might be right. I didn’t have the strength to wade into that kind of drama again. I didn’t have the heart for it.
If this last thing meant my career was over, so be it. I’d photograph dogs at a PetSmart rather than spend another minute having to answer for choices I’d made when I was still a kid.
Here was the paradox: I needed to work, but I didn’t need to earn money. Between my trust fund and my father, I’d never want for anything in my life.
Why, oh why, did I keep trying to prove myself to people who would never absolve me of something I didn’t do in the first place? I was done. That part of my life was over. That video was the final straw. The images burned into my brain.
The door to my room opened, and Stone came inside. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“Alastair says you’re having surgery tomorrow.”
“I guess.” I didn’t want to look at him.
“Is something wrong?”
Tears stung my eyes. “Do you remember being sixteen?”
He came forward and sat. “Some.”
“What were you like?”
“Dumb.” He folded his hands. “My family’s military, so there was never a doubt I’d enlist. I hated school, and I figured college wasn’t in my future, so it was a good fit.”
“And you had a high school sweetheart. You wanted to get married, right?”
“When I was sixteen?” I couldn’t remember when friendship had turned into love between Serena and me. It had happened so gradually. She said she despaired of me ever catching a clue. “I wasn’t into girls yet. Track and field was my thing. I ran for miles and miles every day and built my upper body strength to prepare for boot camp.”
“Didn’t you feel like you were ready to go? Like eighteen was some arbitrary line in the sand, and you had worked and strived and didn’t need anyone to tell you when you were grown up enough to go after what you wanted?”
“Of course I felt that way. Everyone does. But I couldn’t have enlisted at sixteen. I had to wait, so I used the time to prepare.”
“By sixteen, I’d been working steadily for fifteen years. I had finished a high school education and was taking college courses with people four years older than me. I had money and had traveled all over the world. I spent most of my time in the company of people my father’s age.”
“And you like older men.”
Was he guessing, or had I told him that? I couldn’t remember.
He tilted his head, and I couldn’t read his expression. “You can stop me if you don’t want to talk about it, but I saw that video. I think I understand what you’re saying. That night, maybe other nights, people you trusted took advantage of you. They hurt you.”
I nodded.
“And that made you reevaluate how you saw yourself?”
I nodded again. “I thought they